Fast Cars

Normally, no sane person would voluntarily put themselves inside a flammable metal box traveling at up 200 mph, but if it has a glossy finish on that bitch, and a sexy Italian name, there's a guy that will give his left nut to test drive it.

It's so sexy, that when they pull your mangled corpse from the wreckage, women will still want to have sex with you.

So manly, you can only drive it with your dick.

It was hot until I thought about all the ass sweat going into that interior leather.

Just The Facts

  1. Fast cars are expensive.
  2. Shallow whores are attracted to money and therefore attracted fast cars.
  3. Shallow whores are better than no whores.

Not just cars, fast cars.

It all started with a guy called Father Ferdinand Verbiest, who (supposedly) came up with the first self propelled vehicle (fancy word for car). Since then, the term "man and machine" has evolved in many wonderful and strange ways.

.Rule 34 of the intertubes

I think this part of my owner's manuel got ripped out...

The basic layout of most sports car is a rear engine and two seats. The engine is in the rear for traction reasons, and there are only two seats because if your driving a 100,000 and something dollar Corvette you're not about to put the semi-retarded midget with a unhealthy love of randomly shitting itself in the back.

Sports cars are mostly for men that have so much money, burning it would be impractical due to the amount of lighter fluid needed, but also have small penises and thining hair. If a man drives a sports car and doesn't have either of those things then he's an avid car lover or a douche leasing it.

Everything you know about fast cars/Vin Diesel

The Fast and the Furious is a movie about a shaved gorilla that illegally races ridiculously expensive cars against some strippers because the police said so. There are several spin-offs and sequels to this movie, but most of them follow this plot, which makes us believe that Los Angeles' entire police budget goes solely into making cars for Vin Diesel to crash.

Diesel before his bi-weekly shearing.

This group of movies is the sole basis of anything that the average person knows about a sports car. The average person thinks that at any point after sundown, latin and asian youths are duking it out in abandoned parking garages to see who is the least capable of making good life choices. Also, only Asian and Latin youths can fix cars, white people can only drive them. The less clothes a woman wears, the better she is at driving. Or she is Michelle Rodrigez.

Pictured: Mechanics