The Shining

The Shining or A Movie That You Never Should Have Seen on The Movie Channel When You Were Only Nine, Thanks Mom and Dad.

This bartender pours a mean drink and offer lots of cool advice on hotel upkeep and the systematic slaughter of your family.

This is Shelley Duvall. She pretty much looks like this for the 144 minutes run time of

Long before Arnold, Jack Nicholson nailed the role of

Just The Facts

  1. The Shining came out in 1980 and is without a doubt the scariest movie ever made featuring Scatman Crothers.
  2. The Shining was first a novel by Stephen King, who thankfully was stopped from fucking up this movie by director Stanley Kubrick.
  3. For those who doubt the veracity of #2, please see the 1997 "The Shining" mini-series created by Stephen King for ample proof.

Why The Shining Is So Horrifying

Twins Aren't Supposed To Scare The Shit Out Of You

One of the reasons "The Shining" is such a mind fuck is the fact that Kubrick takes things that are supposed to be positive images and turns them into nightmares. Take for example, twin girls. As a boy, you are supposed to associate twins with positive events. Instead, Kubrick shows us shots of the girls cut up so finely that Lindsay Lohan would totally snort them. To make matters worse, the madman works in a tricycle or Big Wheel type thing into his house of horrors. Thanks to Stanley, I didn't ride my Big Wheel ever again after seeing "The Shining" and that's pretty fucked up, man. He took away a part of my childhood and hide it anyway somewhere in his big bushy beard or perhaps Amazonian eyebrows.

I'm about to see something horrifying, aren't are?"

Another sick thing that Kubrick did with this movie was the scene where he included this hot, All-American babe:

Hot All-American Babe

only to turn her into this monstrous vision:

Nasty Old Lady

As a nine year-old, this initial glimpse of female naughty bits was already enough of a sensation for me. Why, dear sweet Jesus, did Stanley have to morph her into zombie nana? This had the dual effect on me of avoiding the shower and my elderly relatives for months.

Should I Watch it?

Of course, you should watch it, provided you are not a 9 year-old. It's still the best horror movie of its generation, blowing "The Exorcist" and "The Omen" straight out of the water. The only movie comparable is "The Ring", which is terrifying, but that's primarily due to the fact that the entire cast is Japanese, I think.