Princess Leia

The much lusted after female lead of some forgotten cult film called "Sun Battles" or something.

Just The Facts

  1. Majored in "Indignant Snarkiness" in college
  2. Has an alergic reaction to wearing anything that isn't metalic or white (she had a rash all during the events on Endor from the camoflauge outfit).
  3. Spends her free time thinking up insults so she'll never be at a loss for one.

Biography

Born to disfunctional couple Padme Amidala and Anakin Skywalker, Leia was seperated at birth from her whiney twin brother Luke. Leia was rased by acting legend Jimmy Smits who was mascarading as Senator Bale Organa of the planet Alderan at the time. Because Jimmy Smits is a natural bad-ass he raised his adopted daughter to question authority and "fight the man." Leia decided that the Empire was "the man" and while still rather young she joined the rebelion against Emperor Palpatine.

She used her position of royalty to gain membership to the Imperial Senate. Her intention was to use this position to aquire information for the rebelion. She was kind of crap at it and was found out and caught pretty quickly by Darth Vader (her uber-estranged father... so estranged that even though he could "sense" his son Luke he didn't give Leia a second glance before tossing her in a cell with a floating orb that doped her up reeeeeeeeeeeal good). She was rescued by her bother and the two macked on each other pretty heavily for a while before Luke found out they were twins (and they were both oddly un-skeeved by that revelation).

If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family.

Incest is best. If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family.

Being a bit a floozy it didn't take long for Leia to start macking even harder on "scoundrel" Han Solo, and even declare her love for him right before he was frozen in carbonite. Though there's some suspicion that the only said it because she thought that she'd never see him again. She's such a playa. But her emotions seemed to be genuine when she went to rescue Han from slug on steriods Jabba the Hut. However as is her tendency she was crap at it and got caught again, this time being forced to dawn her much lusted after slave garb. She'd later get rescued by Luke but not before commiting the single most brutal kill in all of Star Wars with the metal chain strangulation of Jabba. Don't piss this bitch off.

The much fabeled metal bikini. Giant slobbering slug sold seperately.

The much fabeled metal bikini. Giant slobbering slug monster sold seperately

Later she would help lead the rebels in the assault on the Imperial base on Endor. However her contribution proved to be less effective than that of some teddy bears wielding sticks. This was the point when her usefullness started to come into question (though her hotness and purpose as eye candy remained above reproach).

Physical Characteristics

Despite having never really known her mother, Padme Amidala, she clearly still inherited the deceased queen's penchant for outlandish hair. It seems to have been diluted somewhat (probably from the genes carrying Anakin's boring haircuts) but is still evident.

Leia's mother and her coat hanger hair-do.

Queen Amidala's coat hanger inspired hair-do

Leia and her ear-muff punk alternative to her mother's look.

Leia's shorter ear-muff style punk version of her mother's look

Skills and Abilities

- Having studied sarcasm under Master Doosh Baag she can cut even the greatest foe down with a single sentence. While not physically devistating the emotional and mental impact of these attacks is clear. Grand Moff Tarkin was going to spare Alderan until her "foul stench" remark, but that just cut him too deep to let it fly.

- The ability to wear metal undergarments that do not adjust to movement or adhere to the body yet somehow never expose a private area. This particular ability is much maligned by those around her. Some have saught to drain the Princess of this skill to no avail. However it is joyfully noted that any other female attempting to wear a metal bikini sans additional underthings cannot avoid eventual exposure, if only for a moment. Go to Comic Con and camp out with the few female Star Wars geeks to find this out first-hand. However be warned very few Comic Con geeks have the same figure and measurements as Princess Leia.

- The ability to have memories of her mother despite the fact that she died immediately following Leia's birth. Yet despite her only interaction with her mother was getting yanked from the womb and seeing her mother scream, cry and then kick the bucket Leia is able to recall her as "very beautiful, kind but sad." Yeah I guess dying alone in agony being attended by cold unfeeling robot doctors and not even being able to hold your babies can make one sort of sad.