Luaus are the traditional celebration style of the Hawaiian Islands and many Midwestern Suburbs

Just The Facts

  1. Before the name Luau was used these parties were frequently referred to as paina or ahaaina.
  2. Luaus can be used for many celebrations such as graduations, birthdays and weddings. Or merely as an excuse to drink.
  3. Grotesque amounts of money can be paid to attend a commercialized Hawaiian Luau on one of the islands.

Authentic Luau Parties

Luaus are only traditionally held on the Hawaiian islands. The parties serve food ranging from roast pig to octopus and are garnished with performances by traditional musicians, fire dancers or hula girls.

This Guy...

Or these girls...make your choice.

These parties can be attended by tourists on almost any of the islands for a myriad of reasons for a small sum of only a few thousand dollars. For only a couple hundred thousand dollars many resorts will even offer to personalize the luau for a particular event you may be planning.

Luau Gatherings You May Actually Attend

Though many of you may never make the rather expensive trek to Hawaii in order to attend one of these lovely gatherings. Chances are relatively high that at some point in your life a neighbor will decide to purchase tiki torches from Wal-Mart and simulate the tropical paradise you long for in the comfort and convenience of their own New Jersey backyard.

This is the first Google Result for 'New Jersey Backyard'

The downside to these parties is their lack of authenticity. Rarely do these gatherings feature the necessary features to even be considered a luau by any stretch of the imagination and as such, fall short of providing the joy that would normally be experienced by attending a legitimate luau gathering.

Pictured: The Joy of a Legitimate Luau Gatherings

Though these gatherings would typically be considered fun, they are a risky scenario to place yourself in. You may be enjoying yourself one minute when suddenly your pre-mixed Pina Colada that someone mistook for being Hawaiian knocks you out like so many brutes who consider your Hawaiian shirt to be mildly flamboyent. Unfortunately this sudden drop in inhibitions and lack of memory often causes you to wake up next to a whale in a coconut bra.

I actually adore Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, but he'd be petrifying in a coconut bikini.