A terrifying exploration into the depths of consumerism.

If it isn't already funny enough, Old Spice asks that I not pander it with a clever caption.

Just The Facts

  1. It's a website
  2. It serves no purpose what-so-ever
  3. Therefore it fits right in with the rest of the internet

Marketing 101: Make Sense

Okay, so experiment time: I took two hits of acid and decided to pick a random topic I knew nothing about and just write free association as I researched and discovered. Here goes:

(Nick enters the website and is greeted by a loading screen made of soap scum. Not a good start.)

Whoa! Holy shit! There's like dragons riding lawn mowers in space and yet under the ocean! I'm feeling this too!

Just kidding. I may be tripping balls here but if anything this site makes me want to sober up and find a new career path. There's not much to say about it, it's a thinly veiled marketing ploy hidden deep in the crevasses of a 3D rendered armpit. Is it supposed to be fun? I don't see how it could be, so far clicking on the random chunks of deoderant flakes has only elicited harsh womanly screams and footage of a hairy fat dude rubbing his chest. I've had better luck hitting random on 4chan.

Mmkay...this time it's just a pile of poop that I can summon with every mouse click. Call me crazy but I think there's a pattern here.

Now a long loading screen. I can only imagine...wait...yeah it's another bad attempt to make me laugh and buy more Old Spice products. I found the pattern, guys!

Okay then, that's all I feel like doing on that site. Man, of all the things to do on acid this has got to be in the bottom four. To spite Old Spice I will now link to a more effective commerical for what I can only imagine is their chief competitor in the market.