Cthulhu
Cthulhu is the monstrous brainchild of HP Lovecraft, and an alien God who will devour us all someday. He has the form of a bat-winged fat guy with an octopus for a head.
Just The Facts
- Cthulhu sleeps under the sea in a sunken city called R'Lyeh.
- Don't try to pronounce R'Lyeh, Lovecraft is notorious for coming up with names that are a tongue-twister wrapped in apostrophes.
- Cthulhu is served by star spawns, little Cthulhus that come kill you, because Cthulhu needs to outsource his killing. (He has a great business model)
Cracked on Cthulhu
HP Lovecraft wrote about many weird monsters from beyond the moon, but none of them have the appeal or staying power of Cthulhu. Cthulhu is referred to in many stories by Lovecraft as a mountainous tub of rubbery lard that has the power to destroy the world, but long ago fell asleep in a city deep under the sea. It is unconfirmed whether or not this was as a result of otherworldly binge drinking and consumption of primordial dinosaur rinds.
Cthulhu is portrayed as always being:
- Dreaming
- Evil
The first bullet point is probably responsible for his lack of screen time, which is unfortunate, and a little retarded, since Lovecraft himself included a scene where he wakes up and eats people, in his first appearance ever.
Sure, some people have enthusiastically created film adaptations of Lovecraft stories, mostly Stuart Gordon, but unfortunately, they universally suck, and don't feature Cthulhu himself.Cthulhu is God, mixed with an octopus, mixed with Darth Vader, all three of which have been in movies.
The language of Cthulhu
Lovecraft spent a great deal of time crafting an artificial language for his various Cthulhu worshipers; the divine language of his otherworldly space-race, and the chants necessary to raise the Elder God and his multitude of gibbering, diaphanous minions.
Or Lovecraft was a fucking nutcase with a drinking problem, slapping together words out of random letters and apostrophes, like "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn".
Cthulhu's Impacts on World Nerd Culture
Cthulhu is an icon among nerds. We They love him to the point that Cthulhu has been adapted to a variety of products and franchises by people with an excess of passion (and time).
Santa
"Santa" is an anagram for "Satan". "Huluthc" is an anagram for "Cthulhu". Not really sure what that has to do with this picture, but Cthulhu Claus is a far cry better bastardization of St. Nick than the Ultimate Warrior's comic.
Car Accessories
Show the world and, especially state troopers, that you follow the infinite insanity and evil of Cthulhu by displaying it openly on your car. Not only are they guaranteed to keep you virginity intact, but they will warn police that they face dire consequences if they ticket you. Seriously, try it, we bet they will totally buy it.
Halloween Costumes
How is this not going to fuck that kid up for life?
Hello Cthulhu
Okay, maybe taking Cthulhu into Hello Kitty is a bit strange, even for something so inherently Japanese. At least it's not a trend or anythi....
Okay, the Hello Kitty thing is popular with the Linux crowd, but at least it stops ther...
Oh God Damn it! You know what internet? Fuck you.
Portal
Ok, so mixing Cthulhu and GLADos would be the most awesome thing ever.
Comics
Even lame-ass Family Circus is awesome with Cthulhu.
Anime
Somehow, this manages to be the least creepy thing with tentacles in anime, ever.
Stuffed Animals
Evil never looked so cute. Buy some of these for your babies and ensure that they are never accepted socially growing up.
Politics
This was oddly appropriate back in the 2004 election.
My Little Cthulhu
My Little Pony is actually better with Cthulhu in their world. Plus, as far as random shit on the internet goes, this is far better than Pedobear.
Metal Meets Cthulhu (even if they can't spell it)
That is a Cthulhu guitar, and who wouldn't want to see Kirk Hammet shred on that thing (Answer: A person who hates metal, that's who). Metallica, by the way, has a history with the mighty Tentacled one, writing no less than 2 songs about him. (For the record, the Instrumental Call of Ktulu from Ride the Lightning, and The Thing That Should Not Be from Master of Puppets. In case anyone tries to call out All Nightmare Long from Death Magnetic, that is about something from the mythos (The Hounds of Tindalos), but not Cthulhu himself. Go join Dave Mustaine in "The Hall of People Who Wish They Were Awesome (but aren't)".
Cthulhu in Cyberspace
The big guy doesn't get love, even on the interwebs.
Cthulhu's IMDB page
Lookin' for love
YES!!! *Referring to mention of Dave Mustane* He WISHES his group was as good as Kirk's.
ReplyReligion: ME
ReplyPolitics: Evil (Republican)
VOTE CTHULHU! WHY CHOSE THE LESSER OF 2 EVILS?
ALL HAIL CTHULHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyActually, there's been made a silent movie version of The Call of Cthulhu in 2005. It's very faithful to the original story.
Replyi can tell that the author has a horrible taste in metal, and despite the fact that i dont ever listen to megadeath, i must show respect for dave as he managed to get kicked out of metallica and still be ridiculously successful. He's more awesome than any of those asses that make up metallica.
ReplyLet's not mention how incredibly similar Megadeth sounds to Metallica.
Someone once told me that The Thing That Should Not Be was about Shudde M'ell, or however you spelled its name). I then listened to the song, and...well, it's rather clear that it's about the Lord of R'lyeh.
ReplyAlso, not to put on my nerd hat or anything, but isn't Cthulhu high priest to Azathoth?
In addition, is Vhoorl the official Mythos name for the source of Cthulhu? I didn't think they ever named his homeworld, but it would make sense for Lovecraft to just offhandedly name the planet but never describe it, thus keeping it mysterious and unknowable for the rest of us.
"Religion: ME" this made the article, I don't even know why I'm laughing so much.
ReplyI was just about to say the same thing.
I rather liked "drinks socially, smokes occasionally."
The Thing That Should Not be is about the Deep Ones, not Cthulhu.
ReplyNo, it's about Cthulhu, nice try being right, though.
That's why it's "thing" and not "things"
Did either of you ever listen to the song or read the lyrics?
Cthulhu is not evil, shklee is indifferent to the lives of humans the way humans are indifferent to ants, Lovecraft's works were not about good and evil, they were about Mans' inferiority.
ReplyI wouldn't say inferiority, I would say it's more about man's irrelevance.
Shklee...you are awsome for that!
There is a song by Cradle of Filth called Cthulhu Dawn. They actually spelled it right and if you speak Pigsquealdevilmoan language fluently as I do, you will hear that it is a song about the end of man being the dominant rulers of earth, and being replaced by pure evil. Pretty rad.
ReplyI think Cthulhu is not in movies because there wouldn't be much of a fight possible. He's just too powerful.
ReplyYou're forgetting Narwhals.
NARWHALS, NARWHALS!!
SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN!!
CAUSING A COMMOTION!!
CAUSE THEY ARE SO AWESOME!!
xD
lol Cthulhu isn't looking for a black date?
ReplyWorth noting that Cthulhu is not evil, he's just amoral and views humans as nothing more than ants
ReplyIt's also worth noting that even though he is worshiped as one in the mythos, he isn't a god. He is the high priest to the Old Ones. Basically he's their pope.
also, people misspell Cthulhu because mortals are not allowed to spell his name... so this means they were right and i should be punished into eternal oblivion.
Replyactually it's more that his name can not be properly pronounced by human vocal cords, and of course its doubtful the great old ones even use the roman alphabet
Also i love hot the add at the bottom at the page is about Lovecraft Music
Replywell it's in one movie, The Call of Cthulhu, made in 2005, a silent movie.
ReplyRattle your God Damn Head. Kirk Hammet is a pussy. Dave Mustaine can Play circles around him
ReplyThank you!
The "Hello Cthulhu" does make me smile. Wonder if that's a symptom of something? o.O
ReplyGoshdarn. It's GLaDOS, not GLADos. It stands for "Genetic Lifeform and Data Operation System". What the hell is GLADos?
ReplyAnd you call people out for spelling Cthulhu incorrectly :|
Gosh, this comment is so old, I don't know why I even bother to correct it, but what's with all those people correcting others and doing it wrong themselves? It's Disk Operating System, not 'Data'.
you'd probably need some serious wasabi and and a barrel of sake' to choke down that much calimari.
Reply