Cthulhu

Cthulhu is the monstrous brainchild of HP Lovecraft, and an alien God who will devour us all someday. He has the form of a bat-winged fat guy with an octopus for a head.&&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('

Seriously, Cthulhu is the ultimate evil, and he can't get a single movie walk-on.

Just The Facts

  1. Cthulhu sleeps under the sea in a sunken city called R'Lyeh.
  2. Don't try to pronounce R'Lyeh, Lovecraft is notorious for coming up with names that are a tongue-twister wrapped in apostrophes.
  3. Cthulhu is served by star spawns, little Cthulhus that come kill you, because Cthulhu needs to outsource his killing. (He has a great business model)

Cracked on Cthulhu

HP Lovecraft wrote about many weird monsters from beyond the moon, but none of them have the appeal or staying power of Cthulhu. Cthulhu is referred to in many stories by Lovecraft as a mountainous tub of rubbery lard that has the power to destroy the world, but long ago fell asleep in a city deep under the sea. It is unconfirmed whether or not this was as a result of otherworldly binge drinking and consumption of primordial dinosaur rinds.

Cthulhu is portrayed as always being:

  • Dreaming
  • Evil

The first bullet point is probably responsible for his lack of screen time, which is unfortunate, and a little retarded, since Lovecraft himself included a scene where he wakes up and eats people, in his first appearance ever.

Sure, some people have enthusiastically created film adaptations of Lovecraft stories, mostly Stuart Gordon, but unfortunately, they universally suck, and don't feature Cthulhu himself.Cthulhu is God, mixed with an octopus, mixed with Darth Vader, all three of which have been in movies.

The language of Cthulhu

Lovecraft spent a great deal of time crafting an artificial language for his various Cthulhu worshipers; the divine language of his otherworldly space-race, and the chants necessary to raise the Elder God and his multitude of gibbering, diaphanous minions.

Or Lovecraft was a fucking nutcase with a drinking problem, slapping together words out of random letters and apostrophes, like "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fhtagn".

Cthulhu's Impacts on World Nerd Culture

Cthulhu is an icon among nerds. We They love him to the point that Cthulhu has been adapted to a variety of products and franchises by people with an excess of passion (and time).

Santa

"Santa" is an anagram for "Satan". "Huluthc" is an anagram for "Cthulhu". Not really sure what that has to do with this picture, but Cthulhu Claus is a far cry better bastardization of St. Nick than the Ultimate Warrior's comic.

Car Accessories

Show the world and, especially state troopers, that you follow the infinite insanity and evil of Cthulhu by displaying it openly on your car. Not only are they guaranteed to keep you virginity intact, but they will warn police that they face dire consequences if they ticket you. Seriously, try it, we bet they will totally buy it.

Halloween Costumes

How is this not going to fuck that kid up for life?

Hello Cthulhu

Okay, maybe taking Cthulhu into Hello Kitty is a bit strange, even for something so inherently Japanese. At least it's not a trend or anythi....

Okay, the Hello Kitty thing is popular with the Linux crowd, but at least it stops ther...

Oh God Damn it! You know what internet? Fuck you.

Portal

Ok, so mixing Cthulhu and GLADos would be the most awesome thing ever.

Comics

Even lame-ass Family Circus is awesome with Cthulhu.

Anime

Somehow, this manages to be the least creepy thing with tentacles in anime, ever.

Stuffed Animals

Evil never looked so cute. Buy some of these for your babies and ensure that they are never accepted socially growing up.

Politics

This was oddly appropriate back in the 2004 election.

My Little Cthulhu

My Little Pony is actually better with Cthulhu in their world. Plus, as far as random shit on the internet goes, this is far better than Pedobear.

Metal Meets Cthulhu (even if they can't spell it)

That is a Cthulhu guitar, and who wouldn't want to see Kirk Hammet shred on that thing (Answer: A person who hates metal, that's who). Metallica, by the way, has a history with the mighty Tentacled one, writing no less than 2 songs about him. (For the record, the Instrumental Call of Ktulu from Ride the Lightning, and The Thing That Should Not Be from Master of Puppets. In case anyone tries to call out All Nightmare Long from Death Magnetic, that is about something from the mythos (The Hounds of Tindalos), but not Cthulhu himself. Go join Dave Mustaine in "The Hall of People Who Wish They Were Awesome (but aren't)".

Cthulhu in Cyberspace

The big guy doesn't get love, even on the interwebs.

Cthulhu's IMDB page

Lookin' for love