Cthulu

Cthulu (pronounced by hocking a loogie while saying hulu) is one of H.P. Lovecraft's Great Old Ones. A mile high devil with it's head stuck up a squid's ass who sleeps under the ocean waiting to be woken up so that he can rule/destroy the world.

Remember all that calamari you spewed after $2 pitcher night at the pub?  Well Cthulu's coming to avenge his children.

You can almost see the terror in the little guy's eyes.

So whose crazy now that the bloop has been heard...kill the heathens...aahhh...hahaha.

Who is this Cthulu?

Well first you should watch this fan vid on youtube...

And then you should know that Cthulu is arguably the most badass evil pagan god and he is most likely real. As real as any other gods because he is gathering a following and the damned interwebs are helping his cult to grow faster. Cthulu- Dark Elder God- Brought to you by games, movies and heavy metal.

What is Cthulu

Cthulu originates from the hellish nightmares of the mighty fucking crazy H.P. Lovecraft where He first revealed himself to our modern society. Lovecraft shared his night terrors with many of his penpals, like Robert E. Howard and Clarke Ashton Smith. Some of these like Conan's medium, R.E. Howard, fell victim to the otherwise undocumented Cthulu Crisis of the 1920/30's.

Where is Ryleh and why did Led Zeppelin try to chant it up

An extremely loud noise (the Bloop) was heard in the oceanic boondock neighborhood that Lovecraft placed Ryleh in his stories and as anyone knows Led Zeppelin sold their souls to the devil. With John Bonham proving once again that the devil doesn't play nice when you try to break his "No Backsies" rule.

Why is Cthulu out to destroy us all?

Because he is evil and badass. Does an Elder God with unimaginable eldritch powers just kick back and let these insects called humans fuck things up slowly when he could fuck things up in a much more splendid way? I think not.

When will Cthulu come to kill us all?

Lilkely in 2012. I have heard from all my crazy friends that everyone from Jesus to the Aztecs have pegged 2012 as the great big end of the world and am I sane enough to cast doubt upon their looniness.