Toast

It tastes good with butter. Most people eat it for breakfast. Has saved countless college students/potheads from starvation. &&(navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Trident') != -1||navigator.userAgent.indexOf

Making toast is one of the first things you learn in cooking school.

Burnt toast is slightly poisonous but we eat it anyway because we're not racist.

The saying

Just The Facts

  1. Toast is a leading cause of crumbs.
  2. Therefore you should eat your toast on a plate.
  3. It's okay to eat toast with your hands, but wash them first.
  4. When someone asks you what you put in a toaster, the correct answer is not toast.
  5. The toaster was invented before the invention of sliced bread which makes no sense to people who don't care.
  6. Contrary to popular belief, toast lands butter side down due to the angle in which it falls, not because of what Murphy said.

A Brief History of Toast

Although bread has been around since the Neolithic Era, modern toast was not around until the discovery of two important breakthroughs - sliced bread and the automatic toaster.

In 1912, Otto Frederick Rohwedder invented sliced bread - the kind that was moist and came in a plastic bag. Prior to this bread was just a mass of boring starch that had to be sliced (usually unevenly) with a knife.

Do you realize how long this shit takes?

Bread toasting machines had been around since 1909, but they looked like this.

If you wanted to toast bread in one of these you had to stand and watch it until it was ready. Leaving the room for a minute too long would result in smouldering black bread and third degree burns as you frantically tried to pull the bread from the exposed coils.

Rohwedder's perfectly sliced bread had ushered in a new age of slickness and convenience and America needed a toasting machine that would match this level of toastosterone.

So in 1921 Charles Strite responded by inventing the first pop-up toaster that could toast two slices of Rohwedder bread perfectly on a timer. The time it took to cut your own bread and toast it had been diminished to a fraction of what it once was. The societal pay offs have been huge.

Notable Toasts

French Toast

French toast never actually originated in France. Instead it was invented in American during a time when French cooking was the pinnacle of everything food. Hence the word "French" was synonymous for "exquisite" and not "faggy" as it later came to be. Dip a piece of bread into a mixture of eggs, sugar, and milk. Cook both sides. Bon appetite! Ta mere la pute.

Egg Toast

egg + toast = mouth boner

Jesus Toast

Jesus and sometimes his mom have been appearing on the toast and grilled cheese sandwiches of crazy people since one was sold on Ebay for a ridiculous sum of money. A surprisingly large amount of people (about 12) believe these are miracles, while others regard it as the phenomenon of seeing whatever you want in a mess of formless blobs (pareidolia).

Powdered Toast Man

The superhero/spokesman/creator of Powdered Toast as seen on The Ren and Stimpy Show. The Powdered Toast product is made from his head scrapings and fart fumes. The character's gay innuendo was rather subtle (mostly innocent asscheek jokes).After Nickelodeon cancelled The Ren and Stimpy Show, the show's creator, John Kricfalusi went insane and retroactively proclaimed the titular characters to be homosexuals (they weren't). This means that had Kricfalusi been allowed to make more Powdered Toast Man episodes he surely would've added nipples to the character.