Chocolate
Chocolate is good. So good, in fact, everyone loves it. Anyone who says they don't is lying to look different. Or an alien.
Just The Facts
- Chocolate was used as currency by the Aztecs.
- Chocolate contains a chemical that can kill dogs.
- Dogs also can't see color; life sucks for dogs.
- Back on chocolate, everything is better with chocolate; maybe even bugs. (but probably not)
Chocolate!
Chocolate is a superfood; Scientists have used science to prove that chocolate is good for you (It has antioxidants! you will live forever!), it simulates love (so they say, more on this), and goes good with other awesome foods (peanut butter, mint, and everything).
Chocolate = Awesome
Chocolate has a tie to almost everything awesome; food (obviously), booze, sex, and violence. Chocolate could have easily starred Bruce Willis and been about a central American slave trade complete with Allen Rickman playing the evil European overlord. (we claim dibs on the concept and screenplay)
Here is a list of Awesome, fueled by Chocolate:
Sex
This is chocolate we can support; chocolate about fucking.
Yep, we went there, right from the get-go. Chocolate is supposedly an aphrodisiac; although science has never proven there is an actual chemical in chocolate that inspires people to fuck. However, chocolate's close association to Valentine's Day and Johnny Depp does give it the edge in getting men laid.
The chemical Theobromine is found in chocolate and is responsible for it being deadly to dogs and other animals, but is a stimulant that has cardiac benefits. So it can help your heart. Heart. Valentine's day. Chocoloate. Vagina. See how this all ties together? Good.
Violence
So we can assume Chocolate is responsible for action movies, right? Sex and Violence. Why violence? Well, the Olmecs and Mayans seemed to be pretty chill, but the Aztecs excelled and killing people in horrific ways. That leads directly to the Spaniards, who showed the Aztecs just how murdering can be done really effectively. Then there was the enslavement of the native people to farm chocolate. Okay, so slavery isn't awesome, but whips are, so it cancels out, right?
Anything + Chocolate > Anything
Chocolate also has the incredibly awesome ability to make previously less awesome things more awesome. Did you get all of that? Well, anyway, here's a list (more awesome than other lists. Guess why?)
Fountains
Okay, fountains aren't bad at all. In fact, they are pretty cool, despite being little more than an overgrown sprinkler used to water... rocks? Concrete? But are they Awesome?
Nope.
But add chocolate:
Oh, Shit Yeah...
Sculptures
There are some bad-ass sculptures in the world, made of bronze, copper, stone, Legos, you name it. Sculptures kick ass because they are like paintings, in rock, in 3d:
How many of you thought the tortise was a penis when you first looked? We did too.
Believe it or not, this is fucking chocolate:
Paintings(?)
Yep, paintings. Is there nothing chcoclate can't do? If we could splice chocolate with carbon nanotubes, we could make a master race of cyborg choco-flavored sexual fembots. Get to work, science.
A painting good enough to hang on your wall.
A painting good enough to eat. And it's Batman!
There's a bar near my house that sells chocolate covered bacon.
ReplyI like chocolate :D
Replyis it alright with you guys if i name my trivia team the cyborg choco-flavored sexual fembots?
Replyf**k chocolate. If I had to choose between chocolate and dead animals, let the slaughter commence!
Replymel gibson's movie had the aztecs...and yes, they were f*****g crazy.
ReplyI thought that too at first, but apparently they were supposed to be Mayans. Go figure.
I must be an alien, then! I have never liked chocolate, never ever. I got in trouble for it a couple times in elementary school...I was a rouge. The only image that would load for me was the porn....Maybe chocolate isn't so bad after all.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI assume you mean you were a rogue? But if you are indeed a rouge, by all means, carry on...
No, I was a color. o.O
You shame me.
i only like chocklate if it has penut butter in it . or m&ms . i will not just eat a hersheys kiss
How could you not include this chocolate video??!? :-O
Replyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVM18iJTMZs
That's so awesome! O.O
s.s.panino, put a piece of bacon in between a oreo. good stuff
Replyyes yes it is *drools* sweet and salty , two of the earths tastiest foods joining together in blissful harmony to excite the taste buds, I swear it can heal the soul
Three words: Chocolate. Covered. Bacon.
ReplyIt's as awesome as it sounds.
You know, Conan O'Brian had a bust of himself made with all white chocolate.
Replybugs covered in chocolate is really good. when i was like 8 my dad and i would harvest grasshoppers then take them home and shred some chocolate over them and cook them. they taste really crunchy
ReplyHere in Belgium we even have a chocolat museum in Brugues (Brugge)
ReplyCHOCOLATE !*-* !!! Nothing to say except i totally agree, chocolate is the best thing mother nature have created ever ! .
ReplyI get the feeling that this was either written by a fat guy, or a woman with PMS.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesor anyone...everybody loves chocolate.
That's Dietle for ya.
FYI, I am a fat woman on PMS. And my name is David. Do the math.
Chocolate baby penis?
Reply