Twitter

Twitter is an online social networking site populated by either 16 year olds constantly needing attention or stupid people who feel the need to dictate every detail of their lives to complete strangers. Basically, it's MySpace crossed with Facebook.

A breakdown of the day-by-day twitter usage.

Just The Facts

  1. Twitter was founded in 2006 by Jack Dorsey, world renowned master of dumbing things down.
  2. The website allows people to use "tweets" of up to 140 letters to form semi-coherent thoughts.
  3. These tweets vary in flavor from semi-moronic to completely fucking retarded.

Twistory

In 2006, the bowels of the internet shook when Jack Dorsey came up with two horrifying observations about the world we live in:

A. The average human being can only express emotions in 140 words or less.

B. The world needs more people blogging about what they ate for lunch.

Both these views led to the creation of Twitter, a short messaging service (SMS) that allows people to post messages to each other involving any number of topics. Soon, people everywhere from clingly, neurotic, 17-year-old girls to middle aged congressmen looking for any way to relate to the growing population of young people, began using Twitter to choke out anything from the recesses of their minds that might be considered interesting by someone they've never even met.

Twiticism

Although Twitter is extremely popular, some people have expressed concern over Twitter's character cap, user base, and the composition of many of it's messages. And why the hell shouldn't they be? I mean come on, people. Announcing to some person you've never even met that you've decided to have egg salad for lunch?! Why do you think people would care about what you eat!?

The average intelligence of a Twitter user.

The average intelligence of a Twitter user.

And let's not forget the wonderful language that the collective unintelligence has thought up to promulgate their digital vomit: "OMG just got a new cat." "LMAO, just fell down stairs." "LOL help me husband's gone on bloody rampage, he's killed our son." Jesus gerrymandering Christ, people, there's a thing called sentences! You've obviously forgotten, thrown out, annihilated any and all semblences of grammar or professional writing in an attempt to sound cute or pack in more references to the latest popular culture abortion! Dear lord, the tweets! make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!! ARRRRRGH!!!

They are the Twittermen, and the world is theirs for all eternity. Lord protect us all...

Twitter Positives

Note: The rest of this article has been written by another user, as DrMutton has been comitted to St. Elsewood's Psychiatric Evaluation Center indefinitely.

Despite all the negative press associated with Twitter, the website has been used to document signifigant events by the few users with the brain cells necessary to write down casualty lists and provide up to date news coverage of exactly who is bombing our asses.

"LOL country rocked by terrorism. BRB, got to run from snipers."

Not only that, but Twitter has recently been used to help document the recent unplesantness in Iran, as well as contribute to the 2008 elections right here in America.

Waitaminute, Twitter helped us elect our president?

The same Twitter that let's people post about their pets and what they ate for lunch?!

My God...

Excuse me, I need to lie down for a while.