The Truth About The Modeling Industry

A look inside the inner workings of a powerhouse of evil

Let us squat and be merry and colorful

let us be tall, thin and sick looking

so we can die and have wings and underwear

Just The Facts

  1. Reality shows now make people believe that they can become (successful) models by how good they squint and pose
  2. No, it's not true.
  3. Your version of "blue steel" is not a career opportunity.

Initial observationions

When browsing for information on this topic, I was astounded by the mystery of it. For one thing, the modeling industry doesn't even have a wikipedia entry! This was my first clue that something was terribly, terribly wrong. It screams out a conspiracy. The more I googled, the more I came to realize that the fashion industry is run by aliens, or people with extraterrestrial inspiration consisting of human experimentation, anal probing and world domination.

Humans, as you might have noticed, aren't very consistent with their perception of beauty or fashion:

is the boner of another

the bane of one is the boner of another

Advice for the would-be model

Through the years our perception of beauty has gone from fat to thin, no butt to big butts, no breasts to big boobies. Its like evolution has ADD for lust, so every type of person has a turn to be a hottie, as well as the opportunity to be a model. Chances to make it in the modeling industry consists of you getting the golden genealogical ticket for the decade. If this decade or century isn't your turn, and being a model is an intense aspiration, I suggest being cryogenically frozen with specific instructions.

"Please thaw me if I am hot." might lead to some confusion though.

Trouble may also occur if thawing becomes too common...

Other alarming conclusions

According to some studies, Men do not appear to have evolved to hold a particular build as more attractive, but rather to be drawn to whichever build associates with social status. One conclusion states women's aesthetic judgments are influenced almost solely by other women. Whereas men, again, don't really care what you are wearing or what you look like as long as they're told it's safe to put their junk in there and it will make them a stud to do so.

Must... spread.... seed...

This seemingly bizarre inconsistency obviously leads way to aliens. You see, it doesn't take a genius to figure out we aren't hard to manipulate into mass social idiocy, as proven by Xenu and Matthew McConaughey.

Aliens are way ahead of us on that scale, they no doubt asked themselves, "How far can we make these stupid simians go?" Thus the modeling industry was born, manipulating our perception of beauty since... I don't know, Twiggy?

If their mission was to create an army of drones who follow their orders and look like they want them to, then they have succeeded. People will pay thousands of dollars for something because Giselle Bundchen wore it, presumably under the assumption that Giselle will rub off on them

and you can't blame them...

The definition of modelling

The word of wikipedia states that a model (human, that's important) is:

model (from Middle French modale), sometimes called a mannequin, is a person who is employed for the purpose of displaying and promoting fashion clothing or other products and for advertising or promotional purposes or who poses for works of art

Modeling is distinguished from other types of public performance, such as an acting, dancing or mime artist, although the boundary is not well defined.

It takes the fun out mocking models when their own definition consists of being the misleading soulless attachment to a product, are also known as dummies, and their job is somehow different from being a mime but we don't really see how!


Hazards of the trade

Now, some of the pros and cons listed here are thus:


  • you get bored
  • you have to stand a lot! That is tiring!
  • you have to starve and exercise! darn exercise, it requires effort!
  • you don't get paid good first... aww sad!


  • you get to work in fashion and cosmetics! because that is good in and of itself, right?
  • you get to meet a lot of interesting people. (interesting here would consist in people who want to either exploit or sleep with you...)
  • You get to do something that you love as your career (standing and getting bored!)
  • Then there is the money, which yeah, can be pretty good, except when it's not... MarketWatch listed modeling as one of the ten worst jobs in America and according to the US Bureau of Labor Statisticsthe median wage for models is only $11.22 per hour in 2006

So should we pity them? No, god forbid they stop taking their clothes off for a plasma TV! What would the alien overlords do without their naivete?

This is for you Tivo...

Other problems with definitions

Models are considered to be glamorous people who lead a glamorous life, which confuses things further seeing as "glamour" originally was a magical-occult spell cast on somebody to make them believe that something or somebody was attractive.

In other words, the modeling overlords are not only aliens, but also wizards.


Final Conclusions

Their intentions are unknown at this point, but theories abound as to what they want from us, aside from laughter.

breeding their own personalized sex slaves:

or creating an army with harrowing warcries:

Jimmy Choooooooos!!!!!

Either way, their intentions continue to elude and confuse us:

Any additional speculation is welcome...