Bass Players

Bass players are the fleshy tissue in the backbone of any band. Often overlooked by other band members, the bass player usually has the best drugs in the band.

Fleas afternoon luncheon.

And you thought bass players didn't get any.

Just The Facts

  1. The bass player is the better half of the rythym section.
  2. The bass player is responsible for the main "groove" of the song.
  3. Every black person is incredible at bass. No exceptions!
  4. Just because there are less strings doesn't mean it's easier...douchebag.
  5. Due to low supply, a bass player will always be able to find work.
  6. No one will remember the work they did.

What is the Bass?

Bass, the rhythm of a band. They are needed to keep the song flowing. 4 strings, less then a guitar, but just as important. All great bands have em. And even thought everyone knows who the guitar player for their favorite band is, no one can really remember the bass player unless he did some amazing that's worth remembering.

MEGA BASS

"DO PEOPLE LOVE ME YET!?!?!?"

Still, bass players are very important whether or not you remember them.

Robert

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!"

Less Strings Doesn't Make it Any Easier!

Ok, so there was probably sometime that you or someone you know thought, hey i'll learn bass! I can be in a band and do jack shit right? WRONG! If you can't keep rhythm (or your not black) then you might as well put the band instrument down and learn the cowbell.

cowbell

You can never have enough cowbell.

Enough Said.

Common questions you'll hear as a bassist:

1. "So, can you, like, introduce me to the singer?"

2. "Why is your guitar missing strings?"

3. "Are you with the band?"

Types of bassists:

Over energetic pop punk guy- This bassist plays an average of four notes per song and out of what we can only assume is pure unadulterated boredom, does everything short of back flips into the audience while he is on stage. Either that, or he has come to accept that no one pays attention to bass in a song and mainlines energy drinks before every show until the world looks like an 80's cartoon. At which point, he proceeds to jump around to the rock music the way he did what he was 6.

Paul Simonon (The Clash)

Paul Simonon- The Clash


Too cool for school rock and roll bassist- This bassist has more difficult parts to play and requires at least moderate talent in order to carry a tune. Therefore, he must stay put and stick to bobbing his head forward like a mute Quagmire desperately trying to get out a single "giggidy."

Mike Inez

Mike Inez- Alice in Chains


Made entirely out of hair metal bassist- The most complex bass playing on this list goes to the metal bassist. While he may be parroting the guitar riffs, those riffs are far more difficult to execute on the bass. What makes him all the more impressive is how he plays these riffs while swirling his glorious head of hair around. Not that standing still would help him see the frets and easier since he can't see below his foot long beard.

Jason Newsted

Jason Newsted- Metallica

Might as well be nonexistent any-other-genre bassist- These pop/country/R and B bass players stand in the back, occasionally get blocked by amps or smoke machines, and play their little part without moving a muscle. No one will ever know their names, but you can rest assured they work far less and make far better money once they realized that if you can't be the singer, you might as well be the bassist.

Trust me, there's a bass player here