Garbage Pail Kids

Garbage Pail Kids were a series of trading cards that aren't about sports and don't fight each other. Guess you had to have been there.

Just The Facts

  1. Garbage Pail Kids were a 1980s series of trading cards/stickers designed to parody the popular Cabbage Patch Kids dolls.
  2. The series was actually invented by Art Spiegelman.
  3. Yeah, the guy that wrote the legendary graphic novel MAUS and won a Pulitzer Prize. Crazy, huh?
  4. Hey, look it up yourself if you don't believe us. Sheesh.
  5. Like many other things that were popular in the 80s, the series has been rebooted and has again been on store shelves since 2003.


The first series of Garbage Pail Kids was released by Topps in 1985, and as mentioned before, they were designed to parody the popular-to-the-point-of-assault (at the time) Cabbage Patch Kids.

We have a feeling Michael Bay masturbated to this one.

This, naturally, led to a lawsuit, and in an out of court settlement, Topps had to slightly modify their future cards to look less like Cabbage Patch Kids. It's kinda like when that one group sued Carlos Mencia to get him to stop making Mexican jokes and the verdict was that he can't say the word "Mexican" ever again. We may have just made that last part up. In any case, the change was marginal.

But at least the Cabbage Patch Kids feel better about themselves.

The cards remained popular enough to make both a terrible, terrible movie and a cartoon series that nobody ever fucking saw. Not too long after, the series was discontinued after sales began to dwindle. Either that, or the whole world collectively graduated past middle school.

We could probably squeeze in another Michael Bay masturbation joke here, if we wanted.

Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie

It was a commercial failure, hated by pretty much everyone. This could possibly be for the simple fact that, while a drawing of a kid picking his nose will elicit a subversive chuckle from an 8-year old, a live-action movie starring a half-dozen midgets in eerily chimp-like prosthetics with "gags" that involve foot-long trails of viscous stringy mucus and hints of cannibalism will simply produce fuel for the uneasy nightmares of most children. Most adults as well, for that matter.

Oh, and don't forget Chucky-saurus over there.

FUN FACT: Almost all the actors that played GPKs in this movie also played Ewoks previously in their careers (one even played a "Dink" in Spaceballs). That's about all the fun that can be squeezed from this turd of a movie, however. Don't believe us? Watch this trailer and see how much fun you're not having.

The Cartoon Series

Nobody saw it. We bet you can find it on Youtube, however.