Target

We all fall into the hell trap known as the check out line. Be it from an Insufficient Credit Card aquired that same day or a mispriced item, we all have to go through the agony of the Target problem solving method.

Just The Facts

  1. If your high school math skills fail you just stand still, customer sight is based on motion.
  2. Nothing says "Wheels are in motion" better than a flashing light.
  3. Give the customer hope, pick up the red presidential emergency phone ( that isn't plugged in) and ask for a manager.

The Target Problem Solving Method

You now have your first option. You can: A) Go to the express lane [ironicly named being the longest line there, they have fucking geniuses up there in management] or B) Go to a normal lane [ the only difference is how many items you have, neither lanes effect how much of a piece of crap your treated like]. And your option C) GET OUT AND RUN!!!

Now standing there, your forced to be apart of a game they like to call hot patato. If you've never noticed, the cashiers play a game in wich they see who can get the most suckers *cough* customers to apply for a credit card (Ya, becuase nothings gonna get us out of this economic crisis like spending money we don't have by the thousands). So what seemed at one point to be the shortest line has some how broke the laws of fucking physics and your still in while other lines are going like hott cakes. Right now seems perfect for option C) GET OUT AND RUN!!!

You've waited, you haven't exploded in obsenities, and your finnaly up for check out. Think again.

There is a problem. Let us see who can work it out rationally, you or the cashier. You are purchasing an item that rang up $5, your holding a Target paper showing the item on sale for $3, at what time will the trains collide into a firey piecy of demonic wreckage. Of course you can show the cashier the paper and all would be right in the world, but thats to easy. Instead the vigorouse training excercises of showing up with a high school diploma to become the creme of the crop have the employee's logic set to " how don't I know I'm right and that customer's paper must be fake (becuase anyone would go through aquiring printing equipment , falsifying document and such for $2 off)".

So for this we turn to the final word. The all mighty chosen one, entrusted with the power of deciding what coupons should be accepted. The Manager. Should the cashier turn around and call 'em out seeing as how hes only five feet away? Should he pick up that red phone and enter nuke missle codes on the damn store? Hell NO!!! Not when I have a flashing lane light at my disposal. What better way to catch attention than a flashing light bulb a few years past its prime encased in a thick platic the same color as the light (I've said it before, I'll say it again... FUCKING GENIUSES).

Now your waiting, waiting, and waiting. And its a miracle, the manager shows up. wow it only took ten minutes. I guess we know whos shooting for a fucking promotion. Presto change-o hit the keyboard and problem solved in under a minute. The force is strong with this one.

Now the manager has returned to their post, and you are left with the million dollar question. We have dumb ass Regis Philbin behind the counter and here we are, "will that be CASH or CHARGE?" Givin the mathamatical ability of the cashier I would feel safer with charge, and thats my final answer. Oh but wait, the register has run out of paper... and you were so close. This is the equivalent to parting the red sea only for it to fall in before you made it out.

A simple answer to this would be, oh.. I don't know refill the paper. O wait whats this? No lanes carry an extra. Wow so what next? Your sent to another line. Why, fuck you hard and slap 'em silly, now is the time.

Option A)Express B) Regular C) GET THE FUCK OUT AND RUN!!!!!

I think "c" would work fine here.