Hercules

In the midst of this current age, people most commonly associate Hercules with the colorful and musical Disney movie. Hercules is not just a singing sensation. He was also a real greek god within the mythology of ancient greece.

He looks better in those than Peter Pan does

Another classic Disney lie: his name is Heracles, and he was apparentaly a nudist.

Just The Facts

  1. Nowhere in the Heracles myths does it say Hercules and Megara was madly in love, in fact, she was a princess and he killed his children. wow.
  2. Hera wasn't his mother, and she wasn't married to Zeus. She was basically a whore.
  3. It seems that all of his fights were clothing optional, Although that has yet to be proven. Only the statues exist to show it today. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Disney's Hercules

In disney's magical realm, even the story of the tragic greek god can be turned into rainbows and butterflies. Tate Donovan voices hercules, making the main character seem less tough and battle ready, and more full of youthful charm. Many girls have cultivated serious disney crushes on hercules, adding on the fact that he could, if he wanted to, literally bench press them. Disney also thinks that everyone has a wonderful singing voice, because all of the main men sing, except for adult hercules. I'm sure that they were trying to preserve some shred of manliness that might have been left. Or, they would have if there was any left. Instead we get to hear Danny DeVito "sing" and the gospel choir of fabulous puns.

Disney's hercules also has him fighting Hades (voiced by James Woods) in order to save both his family and his love interest. However, we highly doubt that Hades looked anything like the disney creation, and that hercules never had to deal with flaming blue hair. (although that would be an awesome band name)

It was said that Disney tried to actaully create some historical representation with the movie, however, being Disney, they were utterly unwilling to try hard enough. Silly disney, ruining accurate historical events/myths. Oh well, everyone can still get enjoyment out of Pain and Panic.

Heracles, Greek Hero

Heracles is the actual/original name for the greek demigod. Something that is not mentioned in Disney-lore, but is quite well known within greek stories is the idea that Heracles had "sexual prowess" with BOTH men and women. Hey, if you're a demigod you can't be choosy. Everyone wants you.

But a disregard for sexual consistancy is absent within the myth of Heracles. In the disney movie, Alcmene and Amphitrition or whatever his name is "adopt" the infant they found lying around. In the supporting myths, Zeus actually disguised himself as Alcmene's husband and pulled a Harry Potter/ Polyjuice Potion fanfiction. He slept with her, but she didn't know it was him. Heracles was then born, and since he was half mortal/half god, life was basically sucky. He totally had a twin too, who was from a different father, which is really trippy. Greek Mythology is messed up, it really is.

Since he then later murdered his wife Megara and their children, he was put to twelve labors by hera. It was ten to begin with, but two more were added on, just for kicks and giggles. After all this, hercales gets poisoned by hydra blood and dies. Philoctetes then lights his funeral pyre, and dances around it laughing. (no, not really, but the image of the satyr disney version laughing manically while dancing around the burning body of Hercules supplies entertainment for the cynic in all of us)