Best Buy

Best Buy. Known by many names in many cultures. The Canadians call it "Future Shop", the Chinese call it "百思买", and in America, they are known as "The Slayers of Circuit City". These are their stories.

Would you like the extended warrenty on this chart?

Shockingly, no back seat.

See, I fucking told you.

Just The Facts

  1. Best Buy's subsidiary, Geek Squad, is a front for neo-nazi computer technicians, I suspect.
  2. Best Buy owns Napster, also known as "RIAA's Bitch".
  3. Best Buy openly lies about their prices on their website, making BestBuy.com the only website on the internet to be not 100% factual.

Who They Are

Best Buy, also known as "not usually the best buy", is an electronics retailer that operates in the US, Canada, Mexico, and China. They account for 19% of the electronics market, which means 19% of people voting are Best Buy shoppers.

Best Buy Shoppers

Pictured: Likely Best Buy shoppers

There are currently 1300 Best Buy stores, and Best buy is #66 on the Fortune 100 list. With 155,000 employees, they are the 188th largest country, between Guam and French Guinana. They also comprise 75% of the Eighth Circle of Hell, and are America's #1 hirer of ex-COBRA members.

Best Buy is a major retailer of electronics, music, software, and for some goddamn reason, washing machines.

Business Practices

Best Buy has been accused of several less-then reputable business practices as of late. They include:

  • Using a fake internal website to mislead customers about prices
  • Selling obsolete TVs
  • Lying about service plans, warrenties, rebates, fees, charges, returns, and stealing babies
  • Paying employees for refusing to price-match competitors
  • Single handedly starting the War on Christmas tm

Geek Squad, likewise has a similar Modus Operandi:

  • Charging $130 to plug in your PS3
  • Having a stupid looking car
  • Selling bathroom tiles instead of hard-drives
  • Being dumb and smelly

Actual Geek Squad conversation.

Artist's Rendition of actual Geek Squad consultation

Who Shops There?

Shoppers Breakdown

Figure 1.1: Officially produced scientific graph