Maggots And Juggalos

Maggots are fans of the heavy metal band, Slipknot, while Juggalos are fans of the hippety hoppety duo, Insane Clown Posse. (Last time I checked, two people don't make a posse, but whatever)

Just The Facts

  1. Slipknot are heavy metal. Therefore, Maggots prefer heavy metal
  2. Insane Clown Posse are hip hop. Therefore, Juggalos enjoy being raped in the ears by inane lyrics from two white guys!
  3. Both groups do the whole masks/face paint gig. Slipknot does it better.

How to identify a maggot

  • Slipknot mask - WOAH! Stop right there. Take a few steps back and look at that guy standing at the bus stop again. Is he wearing a mask? Is that a brain on show? Has that old lady died of shock? What we have here is a maggot. And a paticularly brave one I must say for wearing a mask in broad daylight and not being a comic supervillain.

"Mum! I'm going to the shops!"

  • Slipknot T-shirt - Another dead giveaway, you'd be a fool not to notice the bold, angry lettering spelling the word "SLIPKNOT" in blood on the front of someones shirt. Most likely will be surrounded by images of the band in their masks. As much as I love Slipknot and their music, wearing their merchandise is hardly spelling INDIVIDUALITY! No, it's more likely spelling WANKER.

  • Baggy Jeans - Where did this one come from? It's never been intentional, but I was horrified to find that my trousers are regularly at knee level when I walk down the street. I was confused at first, but I soon realised I'd been brainwashed by Slipknot and their other fans in a diabolical scheme to show off all of our junk. That or I'd neglected the simple necessity of a belt.

Like a coiled snake, feared by fat people and children in the 50's

How to identify a Juggalo

  • Clown Makeup - Like the Slipknot mask, this should be easy to spot. Bright white and contrasting black stands out like a roast ham at a bar mitzvah. Clown makeup is used to mimic the makeup of the "posse".

"I LOVES TEH INSANE CLOWN POSSE!!1!!1"

  • Gay internet rants - more gay than mine, I promise! Check it out for yourself:

Gay Internet Rant from a Juggalo

Don't say I didn't warn you!

  • Retarded posing - Seriously guys, no-one does this shit anymore!

"We are SO the shit!"

Why both groups are populated by complete morons!

Maggots - The name isn't cool or stylish. It invokes an image of white grubs crawling over food in a fat dead mans apartment. Why not call yourselfs "The Slipknot League" or "The Mighty Slipknots"? No-one wants to think of a fat dead man while they're talking to you!

From now on, when on the internet referring to yourself as a Maggot, recall this image!

Juggalos - Your "gang" name brings to mind a paticularly cheap clown, one who turns up at the party and just smokes, calling it magic. That's not on guys. Not on! Why not call yourselves "The Happy Dancers" or "Clowns United". Cheap clowns suck!

"Run kids, his make-up is poorly applied!"

In the words of Slipknot, "You're all fucked and over-rated, I think I'm going to be sick and it's your fault!" Couldn't agree more!

Videos

Here, if you took in every word and chose to ignore, enjoy these musical videos: