Maggots And Juggalos
Maggots are fans of the heavy metal band, Slipknot, while Juggalos are fans of the hippety hoppety duo, Insane Clown Posse. (Last time I checked, two people don't make a posse, but whatever)
Just The Facts
- Slipknot are heavy metal. Therefore, Maggots prefer heavy metal
- Insane Clown Posse are hip hop. Therefore, Juggalos enjoy being raped in the ears by inane lyrics from two white guys!
- Both groups do the whole masks/face paint gig. Slipknot does it better.
How to identify a maggot
- Slipknot mask - WOAH! Stop right there. Take a few steps back and look at that guy standing at the bus stop again. Is he wearing a mask? Is that a brain on show? Has that old lady died of shock? What we have here is a maggot. And a paticularly brave one I must say for wearing a mask in broad daylight and not being a comic supervillain.
"Mum! I'm going to the shops!"
- Slipknot T-shirt - Another dead giveaway, you'd be a fool not to notice the bold, angry lettering spelling the word "SLIPKNOT" in blood on the front of someones shirt. Most likely will be surrounded by images of the band in their masks. As much as I love Slipknot and their music, wearing their merchandise is hardly spelling INDIVIDUALITY! No, it's more likely spelling WANKER.
- Baggy Jeans - Where did this one come from? It's never been intentional, but I was horrified to find that my trousers are regularly at knee level when I walk down the street. I was confused at first, but I soon realised I'd been brainwashed by Slipknot and their other fans in a diabolical scheme to show off all of our junk. That or I'd neglected the simple necessity of a belt.
Like a coiled snake, feared by fat people and children in the 50's
How to identify a Juggalo
- Clown Makeup - Like the Slipknot mask, this should be easy to spot. Bright white and contrasting black stands out like a roast ham at a bar mitzvah. Clown makeup is used to mimic the makeup of the "posse".
"I LOVES TEH INSANE CLOWN POSSE!!1!!1"
- Gay internet rants - more gay than mine, I promise! Check it out for yourself:
Gay Internet Rant from a Juggalo
Don't say I didn't warn you!
- Retarded posing - Seriously guys, no-one does this shit anymore!
"We are SO the shit!"
Why both groups are populated by complete morons!
Maggots - The name isn't cool or stylish. It invokes an image of white grubs crawling over food in a fat dead mans apartment. Why not call yourselfs "The Slipknot League" or "The Mighty Slipknots"? No-one wants to think of a fat dead man while they're talking to you!
From now on, when on the internet referring to yourself as a Maggot, recall this image!
Juggalos - Your "gang" name brings to mind a paticularly cheap clown, one who turns up at the party and just smokes, calling it magic. That's not on guys. Not on! Why not call yourselves "The Happy Dancers" or "Clowns United". Cheap clowns suck!
"Run kids, his make-up is poorly applied!"
In the words of Slipknot, "You're all fucked and over-rated, I think I'm going to be sick and it's your fault!" Couldn't agree more!
Videos
Here, if you took in every word and chose to ignore, enjoy these musical videos:
1) Slipknot isn't Heavy Metal. They're Nu-Metal, which means they play a version of overly-distorted Alternative Rock that has nothing to do with Metal, what so goddamn ever, outside the fact it was marketed as such and every 13-year old who knows nothing about the music thinks they are.
Reply2) They have 9 members, and yet they make some of the most dumbed-down, simplistic, and undertalented music ever. They're Pop music for the Alternative-leaning teenager.
3) They are just as try-hard and horrible as ICP.
4) Their fans are just as stupid and just as much a disgrace towards music as ICP fans are.
In the end, both groups, and all the bands/artist that make up the Nu-Metal and .. the .. crappy excuses for rap/hip-hop need to be thrown in the trash.
What I think is funny about this whole article is the complete and total bias. Did you know that when Slipknot was first starting out they crashed ICP's interview on Howard Stern to get more noticed? Take note: your favorite band used "these faggots" to get more exposure. You also show a lack of research into your rebuttals by not even talking about the rest of Psychopathic Records and the other artists such as Twiztid, Blaze, ABK, AMB, and Boondox. You make no valid point whatsoever other than the usual "Juggalos are idiots" claim. Good job, you have succeeded in perpetuating an old stereotype. I love the old "Juggalos vs Maggots" theme in the entire article, and yet to some it may have no valid point. I'm a Juggalo. I'm also a Maggot. I became both around relatively the same time, 1999. To me, this whole argument is invalid because you look at a few individuals and judge the entire fanbase (or, in the Juggalo's cases, Family) on just those opinions based on just those individuals. I know Juggalos that go to college, have successful lives, and raise families very comfortably. I'm one of those Juggalos. And while we're on the subject of families, Slipknot themselves consider Maggots to be family. Go read their news about Donnie Steele replacing Paul Gray as #2 (Rest In Pandemonium) and you'll see them talking about it. There's more similarities to Maggots and Juggalos than you'll ever get to know by just sharing this close-minded view that most of society loves to exacerbate. And yes, feel free to call this another "dumbass faggot Juggalo" rant but I don't listen to idiots.
ReplyOkay. Sorry.
You're a maggot AND a juggalo?
Were you dropped on your head twice as a child, and raised in a trailer park?
It's a Nu-Metal Band faggot not Heavy Metal. s****y bands with even shittier fans.
ReplyDon't call me a faggot because of something I wrote aaaaaaages ago, you faggot.
Juggalo 4 Life
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesm sure when you are 40 you will think differently .
You say that, Zachgeorge, but I went to a Knot concert a couple of years ago and there were people there who looked like they should be sat down, smoking a pipe, eating soft food and praying for death.
Whoop whoop, down with the clown 'til I'm dead in ground.
I love how this article was written using the Queen's English.
ReplyJuggalos shake my faith in humanity, though...
its because I'm english myself. Odd really, I seem to be using americanised english more often nowadays
i guess i am a juggalot since i like both groups
ReplyJuggalotards are the best. . . Youtube juggalo, and let the fun begin.
ReplyNice article man.