Cracked

According to it's logo Cracked has been America's only Humor & Video Site since 1958. Get it, it's funny cause its not the only humor site and the internet... Okay, It's not funny.

Just The Facts

  1. Cracked was founded in 1958 as a Mad Magazine Imitator
  2. It now exists solely as a website.
  3. Don't talk about Walrus.

Writing Style

Cracked, despite having numerous examples of biting social commentary and well researched(wikipedia is our definition of research, its yours too, so shut up) articles, gets it's readership mainly through the word "fuck" which it often juxtaposes with the word "you," and a celebrity, say, Nicholas Cage. So a typical line from a cracked article would look something like this.

"Fuck You Things that aren't Christian Bale. Especially you Nic Cage. We Fucking Hate you."

Actually hold on.

2. "Fuck You Things that aren't Christian Bale. Especially you Nic Cage. We Fucking Hate you."

1. No Seriously, Fuck You Nicholas Cage.

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Articles are written entirely in the list format, but unlike regular lists Cracked writes lists with a complete disregard to numbers. You see most write lists in numerical order, with the most intersting thing being number one and the least intresting thing being the highest number. However a Cracked writer assumes that the highest number actually means the most interesting thing and number one actually means the second most intresting post. That was Probably DOB's idea.

DOB, you crazy.

Floppy Penises.

Examples of Articles

Cracked writing breaks down into Four major catagorys

1. Bad Writing, and Bad Research.

There are none of these, Cracked tolerates no mistakes.

2. Boobs.

These articles are HILARIOUS and often make it to the greatest hits section of the home page. Examples include 9 Awesome Places to Have Sex and the Horrific Consequences and 6 Ridiculous Sex Myths that are Actually True

3. Good Research.

These articles are often ignored, because if it's one thing Cracked readers want to see: It's safe for work boob pictures, to warm them up for NSFW boob pictures, and not education. Though the dedicated readers do read and enjoy these, the only ones that make it to greatest hits and most popular expose scientology. God damn it 4chan. An example of these articles is the: Top Ten Secret Celebrity Scientologists

4. Mind Numbing

These articles feature extravagent research, biting sarcasm, top of the line genital jokes, the ability to kill from 1 to thirty feet and the ability to impregnate from thirty to sixty. Examples of these articles include, but are not limited too: 5 Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look like a Pussy , 7 Awesome Acts of Nature that Science Can't Explain, and 5 Scientific Theories that Will Make your Head Explode,

When Cracked Used To Suck

Upon it's founding in 1958 Cracked existed as a mazagine and Mad imitator. It's estimated that at the height of the mazagine's circulation it had 1/3 of the readership that Mad did. In fact Cracked Mazagine even went so far as to acquire several washed up Mad writers. Incedentally, the policy of copying opponents remains in the website.

Oh God. We Wrote this??

I'll save you a trip to wikipedia and summerize the first 40 something years of Cracked history:

Cracked used to suck, Cracked sucked long and hard, and sucked up several Mad rejects as well as readers but it still sucked. Cracked sucked so hard that they didn't even bother to even disguise their mascot as the EXACT same as Mad's. By the way, Mad itself, according to most people, sucked. Then, just when Cracked was almost done sucking a bunch of people thought they would pay to make it suck some more and so it did, and that night it went home and collapsed next to the crack baby it was doing all this sucking for. Then, as if in a moment of demented inspiration, music swelled and cracked limped to its computer and registered a URL, winning an oscar in the process.

Videos

While I'm busy doing research(spending every waking moment watching Cracked videos) please enjoy this video, or go back and read some of the articles already mentioned.