Beach Parties

Beach Parties are awesome in movies and on TV. In real life they can't be that great can they? Nothing can be that great.

Your Mission: Find and Kill Whoever drew the cartoony censored images over the good parts.

Not Pictured: Mexico, one giant ass beach, right?

Just The Facts

  1. Beach Parties are mainstays of Youth-targeted Television Shows.
  2. Like everything else on TV, they're never as good in real life.
  3. No, a tropics themed frat party doesn't count as a beach party... dumbass.

Cracked on Beach Parties.

We here at Cracked are assured that there are in fact things called beach parties out there in the world. However, we are also not the type that would get invited to said parties. We used to be bitter about it and sit around and wish that something out of Jaws would happen to beach party-goers. But we have a cousin who has been to a few and he tells us we are not missing that much. See, in tv shows and movies they are massive gatherings on otherwise deserted beaches containing nothing but the hottest girls and guys in skimpy swimming suites playing beach games and other things said hot people do before going home to have sex in their parents bed. But like most things in life, this is one of those things better left perfect in your imagination then ruined by actually experiencing.

Wait... there's no girls at this beach party... it's gay week, isn't it Greg! We drove all the way here from Canada and you didn't check to see that it wasn't gay week?

Wait... there's no girls at this beach party... it's gay week, isn't it Greg! We drove all the way here from Canada and you didn't check to see that it wasn't gay week?

What Beach Parties are really like.

In reality beach parties are full of sand, annoying guys who can't keep their eyes off your bikini zone, annoying girls who get annoyed you are looking at their bikini zone, and non-models. Plus, sand gets in every nook and cranny on your body--especially the crannies.

Also, alchohol plus sun equals dehydration... a formula we tend to forget at the beach.

5th wheel, anyone?

Even This is better then most real beach parties.

Non Examples

The following are lame attempts at a beach party gone wrong.

Oh lord...

An example of trying too freakin' hard.

.

What is this?

Oh dear God... you're futher gone then we thought.

oh no

Yeah, we're done with this now.