Tofu
Tofu is a thick, cheese like substance made out of soybeans. It is Vegan fuel and tastes like what a vegetable's ass would taste like, if vegetables had asses.
Just The Facts
- Tofu is an ancient food made by pressing blocks of coagulated soy bean milk.
- Tofu means "Bean curd".
- Tofu is originally from China, and is appropriately disgusting, but is surprisingly lacking in tiger penis and other endangered animal parts.
Cracked on Tofu
Tofu is often used as a meat substitute, in much the same way styrofoam is a meat substitute. The big difference is that tofu has protein and is a poor packing material. Tofu is popular in Asian countries and California as a staple. It is remarkably like cheese, if cheese were made from plants and had no discernable flavor or merits.
Sometimes tofu doesn't look too bad; typically until you realize its tofu. That up there looked a lot like a Klondike bar minus the chocolate, didn't it? But then you find out it is the congealed sweat of a bean, the appeal suddenly gets on a bus and flips you the bird.
Oh, yeah, for added fun, the Chinese has these special tofu known simply as 'stinky tofu', which is exactly what it is. From personal experience, it's like eating something your mom should have thrown in the garbage months ago, fried to golden perfection...well, as perfect as fungi-infested tofu could be.
ReplyEh...it's more of a side dish, really. You just throw it into whatever stew/soup/fried stuff you're making. Serving one on its poor lonesome is NOT the recommended way. There are also different kinds of tofu, from firm, which means it can be picked up easily, to 'silky', which is basically...yeah, edible slime. The ones mixed with egg are better, usually. They have taste on their own, at least.
ReplyMy sister tried to palm some of this frankenfood s**t off on me once. I WILL NOT eat soy. Period. It is nasty. I complained about its disgusting flavor and she said I was nuts, that it takes on the flavor of whatever it is cooked with. I asked her to kindly not cook with moldy cat s**t and throw in some f*****g bacon. I also have friends that are into the soy thing and have to hear a lecture about their lactose intolerance or whatever if I even ask if there is soy "milk" (bean sweat I f*****g LOVE THAT!) in something. They act like I am a racist, but they are the intolerant ones! They even said so!
ReplyI just want to make sure I am ingesting real, edible food products.
My mom tried to get me to eat this s**t and i puked my f*****g guts out. I will stick to steak, eggs, and real milk that came from an animal.
Great article, too short, though. Tofu is waaaaay to slimy for me.
ReplyI actually really like tofu, and I'm not even a vegetarian. You just have to prepare it right.
Reply"prepared right" by throwing that s**t out and cooking a steak *lol*