Aside from Pizza, burgers are the world's most perfect food. Click on the food to build a burger.

Just The Facts

  1. Burgers can be just about any ground meat on a bun.
  2. Burgers can be anything from low-rent crap food to high cuisine.
  3. Burgers are the undisputed kings of fast food.

Cracked on Burgers

How many of us could live without burgers? Not many we would guess. Without burgers, life just would not be worth living. Saints like McDonald's and burger king insure that we will never suffer that horrible fate. Burgers can be made of just about any meat, as long as it is ground up and cooked till brown on the outside.

People can't seem to agree on when burgers were invented.

Burger Joints

There are many different types of restaurants that sell burgers, and here are some of the more notable ones.

Fast Food Chains


We wouldn't have fast food or fast food burgers without Mickey D's. They have used the same basic formula for half a century, and most of their attempts at innovation were flops. Stick with Big Macs and Cheeseburgers, Ronald, its what we love you for.

Burger King

Burger King seems to be run by people who are the "growed up" versions of the kid that always did the opposite of what they were told. When Supersize Me came out, and McDonald's put the keibosh on the whole supersize thing, not only did BK not stop offering "king sized", they introduced things that were WAY worse for you than anything McDonald's could dream up. (and we love them for their Stackers and triple Whoppers.)


Wendy's always tried to be the classy kids, selling burgers the old fashioned way; square. Wait, only Wendy's ever sold square burgers, and Dave Thomas had previously made his fortune running KFC franchises. Well shit...

Anyway, Wendy's has the "Classic" burgers, which rock, and the Baconator. Nothing with a name like that sucks. Even if they named a ressurected AMC Pacer soaked in gasoline "The Baconator", it would automatically be awesome and smell like Hickory smoke.

Jack In The Box

Although they nearly lost their shit for, you know, poisoning a bunch of people with e Coli, JITB is back pretty strong, and launching an assault on your health with burgers that require foot ball players to lift for you.


2 words: Monster Thickburger. The author doesn't know shit about Hardee's, but no place that offers a burger with that name could be bad.

Trendy Restaurant Chains



Pizzeria Uno

Ruby Tuesday


Okay, so they all sell variations of exactly the same thing; a big fat burger on a kaiser roll (fuck, we knew we forgot something in the list above) with pickle and fries. Variations usually involve Bleu Cheese and Chipotle with bacon, Cheddar and bacon, Mushrooms onions and swiss, and chili's has something with guacamole we think. We lumped them together because we are lazy and, really, do we need to distinguish between differences like which ones use sesame and which don't? They all use Heinz Ketchup and mustard; that has to say something.

Holy shit... Just try to tell us that doesn't look good. WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

Gallery of Burgers

Because they are beautiful.

Chipotle Bleu Cheese Bacon Burger

Monster Thickburger

Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Triple Stacker


Spicy Baconator

Ultimate Cheeseburger

Salmon Burger

Crab and Lobster Burger

Foie Gras Burger

Truffle Burger

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Click here to Calculate Burger Awesomeness