Disasters

A disaster is a sudden and calamitous event, either natural or man-made, that claims lives, damages property and gives the news media massive boners for weeks on end.

Plane Crash

Earthquake

Train Wreck

Just The Facts

  1. In the last decade, floods have killed more Americans than any other disaster.
  2. On average, more than 250 million people are affected by disasters annually, roughly the same amount of people currently using Facebook only with more death and destruction and fewer inane quizzes.
  3. Disasters cause anywhere from $100-145 billion in damage or roughly what Oprah spends to keep Stedman on retainer

Notable Disasters

Bhopal disaster

Methyl isocyanate or MIC is an organic compound used in the production of rubber and adhesives. It's also bad for humans. Really bad. As in, you're fucked if you so much as smile in its general direction. Just ask the people of Bhopal, India who were exposed to 42 TONNES of MIC gas back in 1984, killing 3,787 people. Within 72 hours, 10,000 more perished. It's estimated another 25,000 have since died from gas-related diseases. As it turns out, Union Carbide -- the company responsible for unleashing creeping death on an unsuspecting public -- had plenty of issues with its Bhopal plant that went unnoticed or ignored including:

- MIC tank alarms that did not work

- No action plan to deal with a disaster

- The flare tower and gas scrubber, which treats escaping gas and which might have brought the killer gas down a safe (re: not kill you) level, had been out of service for months

- Union Carbide was, apparently, run by douchebags

Alleged Douchebags

Douchebags

2004 Tsunami

Deep under the ocean, tectonic plates are busy bumping and grinding in to one another, a geological orgy culminating in an orgasm that is, literally, earth shaking. In 2004, a massive underwater quake sent a torrent of water crashing in to a number of countries, killing upwards of 230,000 people. Unfortuantely, in the days since, a reliable tsunami warning system still hasn't been developed meaning the next time the tectonic plates get it on, the ensuing afterglow will likely kill again.

bow chick-a bow wow!

bow chick-a bow wow

Hurricane Katrina

Hurricane Katrina sauntered through New Orleans like a hooker cruising the French Quarter. Katrina, however, wasn't like some run of the mill streetwalker but more of the Eliot Spitzer variety, high priced and politcally deadly. After spending a wild couple of days in the Big Easy at the end of August 2005, Katrina moved on but not before cracking open the levee system. The people in charged called it a "catastrophic failure", two words you don't want to hear when referring to a system designed to keep out hundreds of thousands of gallons of water from flooding your home town and killing you.

FAIL!

At least 1,836 people were killed by Hurricane Katrina, many drowning in their homes by the rising flood waters, making Hurricane Katrina one of the deadliest hurricanes in U.S. history. A slow response by the government, including the "catastrophic failure" of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, resulted in an awkwardly hilarious television moment featuring odd couple Mike Myers and Kanye West, during a benefit program.

Upcoming Disasters

California Earthquake

We all know stress is a killer . Most of us tend to deal with it by balling it up, along with unbridled rage that simmers in us all, and burying deep within ourselves, unleashing it at an inopportune time, like a bail hearing, or going the white trash route and venting on Dr. Phil.

"This ain't my first rodeo, son!"

California is in this prediciment right now and it has nothing to do with the fact its former action star governor, who can battle terrorists and predators, couldn't balance a budget if his life depended on it. The state itself has balled up its stress, just below the surface along the San Andreas Fault, and it's ready to vent on an unsuspecting public.

So-called scientists say the 31st state is long overdue for a major earthquake of biblical proportions. How bad could it be? Well, if the quake of '89, which flattened highways in San Fransico and Oakland and disrupted the World Series, had you curling up in a fetal position, then the quake set to strike would have you trying to crawl back in to your mom's womb.

Seimologists predict a quake measuring 7.8 or higher on the Richter Scale. It would be enough to eradicate Palm Springs, rip open oil and gas pipelines thereby igniting massive fires, collapse freeways and create total chaos in Los Angeles, more so than usual. When the experts agree the survivors would truly envy the dead, you should be looking at the cost of renting a moving van and heading for Idaho.

At this point, it's a matter of when - not if - the quake will strike. According to the experts, this massive quake has about 150 years of pent-up frustration and is ready to unload on California, like some dirty old man in a private booth at a downtown peepshow. The clean-up, however, is going to be a lot messier.