Greece
Greece is a small country in Europe that invented everything. Even your computer. Why? Because it's Greece.
Just The Facts
- They speak Greek.
- According to Wikipedia, which is never wrong, Greece is generally considered to be the cradle of Western Civilization. Suck it, Italy.
- The ancients Greeks loved everything...some things a little too much.
Μια σύντομη ιστορία (A Brief History)
Before we start we must get one thing straight:
Grease
Greece
It's confusing. We know.
Modern Greece owes much to its more pro-orgy ancestor Ancient Greece (whose origin dates as far back as 776 BC: the date of the first recorded Olympic Games). The culture of Ancient Greece inspired the Renaissance and is even one of the cultures that influenced the Islamic Golden Age. It gave the world democracy, philosophy, the Olympic games, mathematics, ar...what? What are you talking about? Pedophilia? Never happened.
But Greece hasn't changed much over the last two-thousand years. A few wars here, sure, but otherwise it's basically the same.
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Ancient Greece
Modern Greece
This topic will be new and shiny in a few days
Ελληνικά ελάχιστο τι
Greek People
Greeks are similar to Canadians, Italians and dwarves.
The Average Greek Man
Like dwarves, the average height of a yia-yia is around 3 to 4 feet. However, what they lack in height they make up for in power. Do not be fooled by their baby-like faces and headscarves, they wear the pants in the family and they will make you sure you know this. Even the burliest of Greek men cower in fear of them.
And in this video where two yia-yias fight for power. The much more agile one wins. It's simply survival of the fittest in the dangerous world of matriarchal tryanny order.
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A yia-yia in a rare moment of not beating the shit out of people
Greek Surnames
The Greeks decided that having one of the oldest cultures in the world wasn't enough and wanted to have last names that would confuse the shit out of anyone.
Papa...papa...than...pa...sir are you sure you just didn't make this up off the top of your head?
Clearly this is a test to see if you are worthy of having a Greek name.
ARE YOU WORTHY?!
Antonopoulos
If you tell me that you pronounced them all correctly then you are a liar. A horrible horrible liar. The Greeks made these names intentionally unpronounceable for non-Greeks. Leave and hide your face in shame.
Homosexuality
A homosexual
A Greek homosexual
A particularly well-known fact is that aside from those of the same sex the ancient Greeks were willing to screw anything. Even their gods got in on the action. A not-so-well-known fact is that relationships between homosexual men were based around social statuses and roles such as having a dominant partner who was engaged in more masculine concepts and a submissive partner who was engaged in more feminine concepts. So basically it was like heterosexual relationships but with penises. Lots and lots of penises.
Two penises too many
Incidentally, two people of masculine concepts could not be compatible with each other as Greek men, with all respect, did not like it when someone else was manlier than they were. To fix this problem, numerous homosexual relationships were based around age too, with the masculine partner being older and the feminine partner being younger. How young?
Unlike relationships between men, not much is known about female homosexual relationships (oh why couldn't have it been the other way around?!) only that the term Lesbian was "inspired", more or less, from the poet Sappho's homeland: Lesbos. In her poems Sappho proclaimed her love for other women and girls. Lesbian used to be interchangeable with Sapphist up until the 1900s where Lesbian became more prominent in medical text and in 1925 became the female equivalent of sodomite in many dictionaries. This was clearly intended to do less with homosexuality being taboo and more with how the world just likes screwing with the people of Lesbos.
A List Of People The Greeks Don't Like And Why
Americans: This one only complies with native Greeks. Greek-Americans are busy partying in Astoria (OPA!!!). U.S. foreign policy in the Balkans during the Cold War ticked off the terrorist group Revolutionary Organization 17 November who decided to assassinate CIA Athens's station chief Richard Welch in 1975 possibly with the use of poisoned spanakopita. There was also a rather vicious spread of anti-American attitudes to the point where it became a good idea for American tourists to say they're Canadian. Recent U.S. actions in the Balkans and Iraq have made the Greeks act even more European.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding: A Documentary
Though honestly - who wouldn't?
But What About The Pedophilia and Pederasty?
IT HAPPENED ALL RIGHT?!?!?!?!?! LET US SPEAK NO MORE OF IT!!!
LALALA!!! - I CAN'T HEAR YOU - LALALA!!!
The article was really cool.
ReplyThe part with Cyprus though was at least insulting, people from Cyprus are like brothers with the Greeks, i think so.
Thats just me.
In overall great article!!
i love the section on pederasty lol. and as a gay man i am SUPER f*****g GRATEFUL that very little is known about grecian female homosexuality. however the amount of grecian heterosexuality is also unwelcome in amount of knowledge. but that's just me.
ReplyI'm greek and i got to admit that i really enjoyed the article. You got make a correction though, greeks and cypriots consider themselves the same. Cyprous is considered about a greek region by many.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesditto
Yeah,all in all it ws a very funny article but I couldn't understand the part about cyprus.I was thinking then again that the editor must ave meant something else.
I don't know. I agree with the res (I can pronunce those surnames - does being greek count as cheating?) but Greece and Cyprus get along. The Cypriots don't like us too much, from what I gathered by talking to some Cypriots, but we're not at each others' throats.
Problems that this Greek had with "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."
Reply1. Nobody smoked. Greeks smoke like a chimney in a house haunted by the ghosts of George Burns, Winston Churchill, and Rod Serling.
2. Whereas it's true that all Greeks will own a restaurant at some point in their lives, the owner's table was not in the correct spot. It should be next to the kitchen door so that the owner can see customers coming in and be able to yell at the staff without getting up.
3. Tula is at home with her parents watching TV and having coffee when the doorbell rings. With his daughter and his wife right there, the father says "I'll get it," stands up and does so. NO Greek father would do this with two of God's Remotes sitting idle!
Oddly, the Windex thing is accurate in the sense that if a Greek discovers that something fixes a problem, it becomes the miracle cure for all problems. When my father came to the US, he had a cold, someone gave him a Dristan, and it made it better. From then until some time after Dristan was taken off the market, it was the answer to all of life's problems. So yes, the Windex thing is buyable.
Thanks for writing this topic, though it DOES force me to alter my plans for a Nia Vardalos topic.
have u accuaaly ever been to greece? its really nothing like my big fat wedding, and seriously whila americans tend to beleive the opposite, we are not savages and primitive. infact, greece is a country which produces proffessors of your universities and some of the richest people in the worl who happen to f**k your movie stars. so before you write an article about greece again, visit athens.
ReplyBeing a Lesbian (with a capital L,from Lesbos island,although I really like women) I have to pledge my help in the global resistance against the world practice of screwing with the people of Lesbos,a world-wide conspiracy that is exposed here for the first time!
ReplyAlso can't wait to see what happens when an independent Mexican state proclaims itself Texas!
This will be updated soon. Expect a lot of changes.
Reply