How to be a douche for the whole family.

The fun family event!

Just The Facts

  1. Bono has earned more awards than you will ever have, ever!
  2. He founded five differnt charity organizations and has held countless charitable concerts.
  3. Somehow he still manages to remain a douche.

Cracked on Bono

There is something impressive about a man who has dedicated much of his life to helping third world countries, gathering money for the poor and leading one of Ireland's best bands, yet somehow still resembles a big pile of horse manure. It's almost paradoxical how someone who has done so much good still has their picture in the dictionary under the entry for douche.

Don't believe us? Just ask the next five people you see what they think about Bono, they will either say he is a bag of douches (you know, a bag of those special toilets that wash vaginas) or that they hate sunglasses.

Even the Africans bashed him at one point or another and he's trying to save them, for God's sake. However, regardless of how many people beg him to shut up for just a second, Bono keeps going and we have to respect his determination, even if he's only doing stuff in order to bring attention to himself.

Is a felatio joke to cheap?

The 4 most reasonable reasons to hate Bono:

1. Bono constantly promotes charitable campaigns and talks about how more people should donate, but he himself has many lucrative businesses (including a hotel and that band, what was it called? oh yeah U2) and guess what? Turns out his donations are on the skimpy side...

2. He repeatedly evaded paying taxes despite the fact that, God knows, Ireland could use some extra income.

3. He is a declared conservative Christian and supported Bush, despite the man's horrible environmental and foreign aid policies

4. According to some African organizations the type of aid Bono and the other celebrities generate only deepens the African problems as more and more people become dependent on foreign money. Bono called those people idiots and pussies. He is still saving the world

However, we could forget all of this and call Bono a decent guy, maybe even have a drink with him once in a while, if it wasn't for the damned glasses.

"Come on paps, give'em back"

Bono once declared in an interview that he has to wear sun glasses at all times because the flashes from reporters cameras hurt his eyes. He is very sensitive to bright lights and the countless adoring fans and paparazzi that want to snap a picture of him hurt his little eyes. Only two conclusions can follow this statement:
  • either Bono is a mole, in which case we would like to see who does his manicure or

  • he is a giant douche that should crawl under a rock and shut up, maybe then no one will want to take photos of him. Be a man and deal with fame like everybody else, either go bat-shit insane or pet the sack of money you earned from every photoshoot and buy an island filled with sex slaves.

"Enough is enough kid, give'em back"

Kids that don't return the glasses fast enough are eaten.

Some quality items for all the Bono/U2 lovers

In case you want an officiall vintage long sleve T-shirt that has "I think it's not official" in the description and has never been washed, try looking on ebay where you can find it for 50$ shipped straight from Lisabon. It even comes with a wooden man inside it so you never have to wear it, just look at it from afar and sigh.

Alternatively you can always get a Bono fan parking sign so everybody knows that you park with Bono. The cops will even tow away cars that don't belong to Bono cool is that?