One Hit Wonders Of The 80's

With commercial success from such artists as Wham!, Culture Club, Bananarama and Duran Duran, it's really no surprise that a pile of idiots with bad fashion sense and no talent began to have a crack at the charts in the 1980's.

As seen above, being a one-hit wonder in the 80's was quite difficult, forgetting your fellating skills.

Charm, wit , good looks and musical talent were surprisingly inessential for repeated success.

Just The Facts

  1. An easy way to attain pop stardom in the 80's was to just give Bob Geldof your fucking money.
  2. According to a poll held in 1992, the leading cause of the entire decade was "we substituted interesting and creative drugs with cocaine".

Route To Success No. 1; clashing wardrobe, programmable keyboard

The most common breed of one-hit wonder; malcontented with attacking one sense at a time, the ensuing onslaught of colour clashes and bad melodies is the result.

Repeat Offenders;

  • 80's Madonna
  • Cindy Lauper
  • 80's Bowie
  • Adam Ant

One Rap - Kajagoogoo "Too Shy"

Encouraging dull waitresses the world over to be a little more outspoken. No no, thank you, Kajagoogoo.

Excluded;

  • Sugar Hill Gang "Rapper's Delight", on the grounds that the bass line is as infectious as AIDS.

Route To Success No. 2; "It's OK To Be Gay"

Pioneered by the rise of LGBT groups, artists in this category somehow managed to record songs full of loose innuendo and hints at homosexual activities, bringing the LGBT movement to the outstanding stereotype it took so long to get rid of recognition it deserves.

Repeat Offenders;

  • Boy George
  • Frankie Goes To Hollywood
  • The Eurythmics
  • Grace Jones
  • 80's Cher

One Rap - Soft Cell "Tainted Love"

Note; you could achieve a one-hit wonder in the 80's by covering other one-hit wonders with a gay twist.

Excluded;

  • Dead Or Alive "You Spin Me Right Round", on the grounds that the public has yet to define Pete Burns' gender, let alone homosexual status.