GoldenEye 007
If you played video games in 1997, chances are you spent many a late night killing the shit out of your friends in GoldenEye 007. You were also probably consuming a dangerous amount of Cheetos and Mountain Dew.
Just The Facts
- Widely considered one of the greatest games of all-time.
- Released in 1997 and has sold over eight-million copies.
- One of the first games to include a groin-shot death animation.
- Contains one of the most frustrating protection missions ever. We're looking at you "Control."
- Allows you to use the shittiest video game weapon of all time, the Klobb.
History
Do you remember what the most important thing in your life was in late 1997? Of course you do, it was fucking GoldenEye 007.
GoldenEye 007 puts you in the shoes of Ian Fleming's legendary spy, James Bond, as he murders his way across 20 levels of nonstop face shooting action. The game kicks incredible amounts of ass and was groundbreaking upon its original release in August of 1997. Boasting a large assortment of weapons, context sensitive gunshot wounds and block-headed enemies, GoldenEye took the gaming world by storm. Its single-player mode was praised for its mix of stealth and action, as well as its emphasis on varied objectives. No longer was your mission solely to "get the key," GoldenEye had you planting tracking devices, driving tanks, destroying missile silos, shooting people in toilet stalls and bungee jumping off of dams.
This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me.
GoldenEye 007 follows the plot of the film pretty closely. After a mission goes awry, Bond's partner Alec Trevelyan, agent 006, is killed in action. Bond later investigates the theft of a prototype military helicopter by the Janus crime syndicate, which also has connections to the deadly GoldenEye satellite. Upon agreeing to a meeting with the head of Janus, Bond discovers that Janus' leader is actually Alec Trevelyan. Bond must stop Trevelyan from using the GoldenEye satellite to avenge his parents' death by robbing the Bank of England and destroying Great Britain's economy.
"Wah wah, my parents died and I am a huge wuss."
Multiplayer
Despite GoldenEye's awesome single-player mode, what truly defines it as a game is its four-way multiplayer deathmatch mode. Deathmatch mode allowed for you and three of your friends to grab your awkwardly-shaped N64 controllers and do what friends do best, kill each other. GoldenEye's multiplayer lets you play as most of the characters featured in single-player mode. One of those characters is Trevelyan's henchwoman Xenia Onatopp, played by Famke Jannsen, who like every other woman you know, literally gets off on killing you.
Don't they all? You feel us, fellas?
You also get to play as a few bonus characters taken straight from the James Bond mythos. Oddjob, Grace Jones, Jaws and Baron Samedi, fresh off his appearance in Blondie's Rapture video, all make an appearance.
We thought you looked familiar.
Gaming Etiquette
GoldenEye 007 has been known to cause fights between its players. Some points of contention are whether or not screen-watching is considered strategy or cheating (it's cheating), whether or not it's good form to memorize all the spawn points and kill people before they even have a chance to acquire a weapon (douchebag behavior) and whether or not using Oddjob is strategy or just a means of hiding one's lack of skill (GODDAMNIT! HE'S TOO SHORT AND FAST! WHAT? YOU JUST POPPED UP FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! SON OF A BITCH! WHAT THE FUCK? ARGH!!!!!!).
You smug son of a bitch.
Legacy
GoldenEye 007 paved the way for the glut of first-person shooters we have today. It had a "spiritual successor" in the game Perfect Dark and later on in the Timesplitters franchise. It was also followed by a number of sequels such as Tomorrow Never Dies, The World is Not Enough, Agent Under Fire and 007 Nightfire, none of which captured the same success of GoldenEye 007, but still did well enough on their own. Although games like Doom and Quake were the first to pioneer the FPS, GoldenEye created the blueprint that most shooters have followed since.
You'd be better off just shooting yourself in the head to save time.
What? Oddjob sucked. Yeah, he was shorter, thus presenting a smaller target to hit, but the auto-aim made you shoot directly at his head. That's why I always chose Jaws; normal characters hit him in the crotch, and his height made most of his shots headshots. Oddjob was the anti-Jaws, though. Jaws' high auto-aim made him nigh impossible to hit, so I guess OJ wasn't entirely worthless.
ReplyBut if you kneel down and slither around as Oddjob(which is what I and my friends usually did) then he is approximately 2 inches off of the ground... making him virtually impossible to hit coming around a corner
The remake got rid of the klob. This automatically makes it the best game ever.
ReplyThe Klobb (or as i called it the Slobb) was a great innovation-not only did it save countless gnoobs who got a one hit kill handicap but if you did happen to kill someone with a Klobb, it would mean endless humiliation for the victim.
This, LoZ, Pokemon, SSB, and that South Park FPS are what made up my childhood.
ReplyDo you remember what the most important thing in your life was in late 1997? Yes the duel shock control pad which came out at that time.
ReplyMy husband and I still have two t.v.s in our basement with cardboard duct taped to half the screens just for this game.
ReplyStarting college in a few days, and will be bringing my N64 just for goldeneye.
ReplyDude, you'll notice how literally everyone knows Goldeneye and will be stoked to play :) College = Second coming of Goldeneye.
Don't forget to bring Mario Kart 64... and Super Smash Brothers...
It's just a fanboyish article to point out that an old-school game is better than current FPS MP games.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesIMHO Halo is better than GoldenEye in every way.
Extremely annoying aiming system + Unkillable midgets in multiplayer < teabagging
Yeah, and it isn't fanboyish to say today's games are better.
Oh, my bad. We're fanboys. You're expressing your opinion.
You've had plenty of time to read the double standards article right?
Isn't it funny how their stuff's s**t and your shit's stuff?
Goldeneye was a supreme jump in FPSs...we're not saying its better than current ones, but it was such a leap forward that there wasnt another FPS even close to as good as it for years.
you know, i never got why oddjob was so hard to kill? seriously, i never had a problem and i was using Jaws all the time. insta-headshot is far superior to being a midget..... unless you're in a slap/knife fight
ReplyWOOOO! Timesplitters!
ReplyGreatest FPS ever
ReplyThe only reasons I'm mad at my cousins for losing their Nintendo 64:
ReplyThe Legend of Zelda,Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask,
And Goldeneye 007.Even if I always sucked at it.
Also.Super Smash Bros.
they shood remake this game it wood be epic
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesThey did, it's currently on the Wii.
And it is f*****g awesome on the Wii.
wii sucks...make on an xbox then it would be epic
@ Mr.Navy.
I'd like to formally tell you to f**k off.Just because it's not on Xbox does not mean it's epic.
And the answer is,it's already TOO epic.If we make it any better the world shall explode.
A version for Xbox 360/PS3 is in production: Goldeneye Reloaded. Google it.
And Reloaded is terrible. Goldeneye should only be one Nintendo consoles.
After playing this game for a while with my friends "Klobb" shortly became a euphemism for small penis
ReplyThey forgot lag on the checklist
ReplyI still have the cartridge somewhere in my childhood home (I have no idea what my brothers did with the consol, though). I f*****g loved this game. More than my life, at one point. Seriously, I sacrificed huge portions of my life in the name of this game.
ReplyOh, the wonderful, wonderful memories.
I miss my N64 just because of this game.
ReplyYou know what would be awesome? If the game let you take split screen online.
ReplyI wish this game was being released on something that wasn't the Wii. Now I'll have to denegrate myself towards stealing my mother's Wii in order to play it. You heard me! I'll rob my own mother before buying a Wii!
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesAlso, I think we forgot to mention "From Russia With Love" as a successor, a really bad successor.
I, personally, am happy we're getting a Triple A Shooter on the Wii. It's a nice change of pace.
Woo, a Wii shooter that won't suck (hopefully).
@Fendu: Too bad it sucks. It's not at all like the most bestest game ever(see article above)
f**k from russia with love. i'm thoroughly convinced that somebody just paid for the rights to give their pile of s**t shooter game a bond aesthetic
Spartan, DID YOU PLAY IT?! No. You didn't play it.
Bitch-slapping a man to death is not a weapon, it's a tactic.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesAlso, have you played GoldenEye as of late? That game's controls aged like Mick Jagger.
And some games still have split screen like Halo, Resistance, Call of Duty, Splinter Cell (Chaos Theroy, Double Agent on last-gen consoles, and Conviction), LittleBigPlanet, Rainbow Six: Vegas, Left 4 Dead, Army of Two, Rock Band and Activision's various music games, Lego Star Wars (you can even do it on the PC), Haze, Burnout (hell, in Paradise, the devs realized they made a mistake not including local multiplayer and let players download it),Fable 2 and 3, Gears of War, MotorStorm: Pacific Rift and Apocalypse, and Portal 2. I even tried to make a point by not naming any game Wii games(where split screen seems to be more popular)(also, the Wii version of Double Agent didn't have local multiplayer, it's also similar to the last-gen version)
Fable 3 won't be out for 2 more months so not sure on that... portal 2 is confirmed but not out yet
You've been b***h slapped to death in the past, haven't you? That's why your so ornery about it.
@serch18x2 Fable 3 confermed that you would be able to have a relationship with your co-op partner and Portal 2 was announced to have co-op.
@Silenus Yeah, I'm a zombie (and I'm running out of fingers to type with).
u have way to much fkn time on ur hands. get a job already.
b***h slap is a weapon. One of the options in multiplayer was, essentially, "bitch slaps only" as weapon choice.
You know, Half-life is a good series. (I'm talking about when he said "Nerdy Thepretical Physicist.")
Reply