Photoshop

Photoshop is an image-editing program that lets you amuse all of your friends for hours by pasting that picture of your cat yawning next to the picture of your Uncle George on a moped, so it looks like it's eating him...Comedic Gold!

I smell a Webby!

Just The Facts

  1. Coupled with Illustrator, and In Design, Photoshop is the industry standard for Graphic Designers.
  2. CS4 with Photoshop is Adobe's mainline drug, while Photoshop Elements is the free sample meant to get you hooked.
  3. Pirated versions are also the conduit for the infestation of the Internet Meme.
  4. Many a celebrity has been "caught" by a tabloid armed with photoshop and no journalistic legitimacy.

The Back Story

Adobe Photoshop is an application for Windows and Mac OS X that lets the user manipulate a photo in pretty much any way imaginable. Photoshop has a plethora of features such as color correcting options, various stylizing effects, an instant "add dong" option and a complex system of layer management.

Photoshop all started back in 1987 when Thomas Knoll developed a program that let the computer display grayscale images on a monochrome screen. His brother got involved with the project and said "Hey I've got a good idea for this. Let's change it entirely and make a new program where you can edit images in cool ways". They developed a basic prototype and sold it to Adobe in 1988 and by 1990, the first Photoshop was released.

Photoshop has become the industry-leader in image editing effects, and due to its ridiculously high price (one THOUSAND dollars), Photoshop has been the victim of a staggering amount of piracy. To counter this, Adobe released Photoshop CS4 with newer features at a higher price.

Wait, that's not going to...

You don't get it, do you Adobe?

And of course Photoshop is number 5 on the The Software & Information Industry Association's 2008 list of the top 10 most pirated software titles on the internet. The top 4 titles were all anti-virus programs and one tax program, the crown being held Norton Anti Virus. In other words, were it not for a large group of lazy individuals who are too deficient in intelligence to find an antivirus that works better and is also free, Photoshop would be the most stolen program in the world.

Allowing viruses and shutting down during scans since 1990

Opening the door to viruses, and freezing during scans since 1990

While it may not be number one on the list, more copies of pirated Photoshop exist than there are whiny teenage girls that think people watching them talk about their high school drama makes them legitimate people (note, this is every teenage girl). Also it is a fact that the creators of every Internet Meme did not pay for the software that is the mother of their comedic black plague, which means that Memes are in fact, bastards.

Photoshop Users

There are two types of individuals that use photoshop to create their loosely named "works of art".

Type One: The Legitimate User

If you meet any of these criteria, you are a Legitimate user of Photoshop

  1. You paid for your copy.
  2. You are a Graphic Designer.
  3. You make t-shirts that are actually funny
  4. You are funny
  5. You know how to use Photoshop

Type Two: The Illegitimate Bastard

If you meet any of these criteria, burn your computer and cut off your right index finger so that you can no longer photoshop.

  1. You did not pay for your copy (You can actually get away with this if you meet a Type One criteria)
  2. You do not know how to use Photoshop properly, and do not plan to learn
  3. You are in junior high
  4. You read Twilight and or like pictures of sparkly Vampires
  5. You use Photoshop to make content for your MySpace page.
  6. You work for a Tabloid

Shopped!

Because of the advancements in Photoshop technology there have been a number of fake photographs making their way around the internet. With many users screaming "Fake!" or "NO SERIOUSLY THIS IS REAL MY COUSINS NEPHEWS DAUGHTER WAS THERE TO SEE IT!!!!!(Copious Exclamation marks)!!!!!"

LOOK THATS HER ON THE LADDER!!!!!!!!!
(More Exclamation Marks)

Also there is great atrocity happening in editing rooms everywhere. models are having their legs, arms, fingers, toes, and sometimes even heads removed by an idiot with a mouse. In some instances arms and hands have even been surgically added to make an army of freakish Three-Armed Romance cover models

From emotional fluff, to mutant horror in 2.5 seconds

These and other photoshop disasters are so prevalent that there is a whole website devoted to cataloging these mistakes. And who ever said that the Internet had no value to the future of mankind, Go Internet! Now we can remember Porta Potty level Photoshoping talent. Oh and also LolCats!

Comedic Gold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(An insanely copious amount of exclamation marks)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!