The Best Rock Guitarists

The Best Rock Guitarists are a completely subjective idea in a world where 99% of people have poor taste in music.

Shown: More metal than a Hot Topic employee has in their face

Just The Facts

  1. Yngwie Malmsteen is known as one of the best guitarist of all time. He is also known as one of the most ridiculous looking.
  2. Jimi Hendrix is renowned for revolutionizing the way guitar is played. He was also under the influence of the purest LSD ever made at almost all times before he drowned in a puddle of his own vomit.
  3. Through aggressive in store marketing campaigns at Wal*Mart, Nickelback's Chad Kroeger now shares the cover of Guitar Magazines with such greats a Joe Satriani, Jimmy Page and that smarmy assbag from Creed.

What's So Great About Them?

*As mentioned above in the facts, Jimi Hendrix was so high that he changed the way the instrument was played. Previously, the guitar had only been explored in pop culture as a means of strumming chords and plucking simple melodies to back vocal harmonies. Jimi Hendrix dropped out and took a trip, bringing Ken Kesey's bus full of merry pranksters to the Mississippi delta. Never before Jimi Hendrix had anyone infused southern blues with a healthy dose of LSD 25 and created sounds like that... Plus he could play the guitar with his teeth... His fucking teeth!!!

*Joe Satriani achieved mainstream notoriety with his second album "Surfing With the Alien", the cover of which depicts Marvels Silver Surfer which was used without the comic publishers permission. His virtuosic style has been praised both commercially and critically. He is also responsible for teaching Counting Crows guitarist David Bryson how to play, though most people forgive Satriani for that since he is also responsible for teaching Metallica's Kirk Hammett and Megadeth's Marty Friedman how to play as well.

*John Petrucci has been named GuitarOne's 9th greatest shredder of all time and has also been asked to play Joe Satriani's G3 tour 6 times. More than any other guitar player! He is also noted for playing in Dream Theater, who is responsible for gayer sounding metal than a recording of Rob Halford mouthfucking Freddy Mercury's corpse.