Ewoks

As every Star Wars geek, or anyone whose ever really just seen Star Wars knows, Ewoks are those guys in bear suits that you either think are incredibly cute or evil depending on when and how high you are while watching the movie.

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There are only two things that ewok could want: your soul or a dentist.

Just The Facts

  1. Ewoks are bear-like forest dwellers featured in Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi
  2. Most likely the sole reason your girlfriend sits through old Star Wars night
  3. Ewoks are basically a combination of a Furby and Satan

Ewoks In Film

Ewoks are, as stated above, initially featured in Star Wars VI. However, since then they've had some short lived fame for themselves in the made for TV adventures: Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure, Ewoks: The Battle of Endor and numerous other Ewok adventures, but you can find those on Youtube if you need them that bad. But, those masterpeices of modern cinema aside, the Ewoks are first seen in Star Wars VI during a fight with some incredibly sarcastic storm troopers, when, of course, Leia has to go and befriend them, leading the rest of the group to be captured by the Ewoks. Han Solo is about to be brutally murdered by an Ewok when we learn that Ewoks, like stoned teenagers, are impressed by shiny objects. The Ewoks then decide that C3PO must be a god. Luke, now having something to prove, goes and gets his force on, showing this clan of primitive teddy bears that he, too, is cool and godly.

C3PO, while hanging with the Counsel of Elder Ewoks, spills the beans about the Rebel Alliance and their battle. The Ewok Elders happen to think it's pretty bitchin' and decide to give the shiny man a hand. They then destroy the Imperial Sheild Generator in the forest and a couple of meddling storm troopers. Damn those storm troopers. The group is then invited to a rockin' Ewok party that night. Hijinks ensue.