To many Americans, Denmark is a mythical country of mystery. This is because most Americans don't know where Denmark is. It's located just north of Germany, but is very different. For one, Denmark does not condone fecal-necrophiliac-bestiality porn.

The king lives on the one to the right

Trust me, I'll explain this guy later.

Just The Facts

  1. Denmark has never won a war. Ever.
  2. Denmark is responsible for Aqua.
  3. Denmark doesn't feel too fucking smart right now.

Denmark and porn

Apart from supplying the world with beer and bacon for the last century, Denmark was the first country in the world to legalize pornography, back in 1967. In 1999, Berl Kutchinsky wrote a book called "Law, Pornography and crime: The Danish Experience". I haven't read it, but it sounds fucking awesome!

Denmark has since become a country where perverted freaks are lauded by the general public, no matter how scary they are. That guy in the picture up there? He's a fucking therapist, who writes books about how to "Make stronger children". An international treaty has been signed to keep him in Denmark.

Danish music

Can you tell me what the following songs have in common (Don't pretend like you don't know the chorus to every one of them):

  • Whigfield - Saturday Night
  • Toy-Box - Tarzan And Jane
  • Hit'n'Hide - Spaceinvaders
  • Daze - Superhero Lover
  • Me&My - Du-bi-du
  • Aqua - Barbie Girl".

If you answered "THEY'RE ALL FUCKING SHIT!", well, okay, you get a point, but they're also all Danish. In the 90's, Denmark made a point of making each charttopper worse than the one before. Then, in the year 2000, Denmark went and won the Eurovision Song Contest with "Fly On The Wings Of Love", sung by Fat Bryan Adams and Rapist Santa on Holiday:

Also known as Fat Bryan Adams and Rapist Santa on Holiday.

After this, a 10 year ban on making music was placed on Denmark.