Action Movies

Action movies fall into one of three categories; 1)Large, sweaty men killing people with guns 2)Large, sweaty men killing people with their bare hands 3)Small, sweaty men doing either of the above. They inevitably feature large explosions.

Like this one

Or these.  Seriously Micheal, do you have stock in a dynamite company or what?

Just The Facts

  1. If you are looking for facts in an action movie, you are looking in the wrong place.
  2. Action movies always have a Hot Babe in them.
  3. Micheal Bay has wet dreams about explosions. Figure that one out Frued.

The Major Players

RAMBO

http://www.impawards.com/1982/posters/first_blood_ver1.jpg

First Blood is the first action movie many of us saw. It made us gay for guns, and has three sequels which necessitated changing the name to Rambo: First Blood retroactively.

DIE HARD

http://www.markheadrick.com/dvd/images/DieHard.jpg

Die Hard is the first action movie I saw, and the only one that Homer Simpson writes letters to. It has three sequels.

Lethal Weapon

http://www.close-upfilm.com/pictures/lethal_weapon.jpg

Lethal Weapon is about a guy that acts crazy so people will pay attention to him. Mel Gibson plays himself in it. It also has some black dude. Lethal Weapon has three sequels (noticing a pattern yet?).

Sub-genres

Action movies have spawned many sub-genres, such as;

super hero action movies, science fiction action movies, martial arts action movies, and hard core action movies.

The Plot

You're thinking that should say 'plots' right? Wrong, action movies only have one plot, with minor variations.

Hero is a badass martial artist/cop/soldier/convict and meets/is married to Hot Babe. Hot babe gets kidnapped by Evil Villian/Foreigner (not the band stupid) who is also after the money/world domination. Hero goes after Evil Villian to rescue Hot Babe/cause their is no-one els to do it/cause they like to blow shit up. Hero and Evil Villian fight to the death, with Hero able to fight through the pain of his numerous injuries, which are completely ignored once Evil Villian is vanquished. Also, a whole buch of shit gets blown the fuck up.

You are welcome Hollywood.