HTML

HTML is a markup language on which the World Wide Web runs on. If you understood that, go outside.

Hahaha whattttt
Hahaha whattttt

Just The Facts

  1. Developed in 1991 by Tim Bernres-Lee
  2. Stands for Hellish Thunder Monster Lord
  3. No it doesn't

Cracked on HTML

HTML gets a bad rep for being on of those "nerdy computer" concepts that make simpletons shit confusion turds. But HTML is a quite simple language if you put ten minutes down to learn the damn thing. It provides the backbone for webpages while the CSS stylesheet language provides styles and presentation effects and Javascript provides interactivity in webpages. It can be best described like this:

HTML - The ugly smart kid. Under appreciated but is the backbone for the school's barely-passing federal requirements. Probably has really bad acne. GROSS!

CSS - The dumb hot girl. CSS makes things easy to the eye but there is no content or substance. CSS is known for being a notorious slut. She even slept with that dork Rodney. I mean come on!

Javascript - The Sims 2 expansion pack. It complements the original and enhances it with new features. Also, only complete socialliay inept nerds get really good at it.

OMG - Not a web language. Should never be used in any context, ever.

HTML was originally created for usage between scientists in the European labratory CERN to share documentation, but has since been adapted to cover more useful purposes (read: porn). HTML stands for "HyperText Markup Language" which stands for "You have no fucking clue".

The Cracked HTML Guide

HTML is a useful but somewhat difficult language to learn, but not any more! Welcome to the CRACKED HTML Guide! Using our trademark system of easy progression and helpful tips, you'll be on your way to making some shitty website nobody gives a damn about! Let's get started.

HTML is based around tags to turn code to data to implement in a website. Just ignore that first sentence. Start tags are defined by the < and > symbols while an end tag is defined by the </ and > tags. Here are some quick examples:


Dongflame? Where do we come up with this stuff?

You can also mix tags as well. You can create a bold list, or if you're feeling really fucking adventurous, make an italic title. Seriously, you can. Fucking aces, right? However, let's not get too ahead of ourselves. We need to start from the beginning.

Every HTML document begins with the html tag. It tells the browser it's reading an HTML document. Guess what it looks like.

<html>Insert Website to be Insulted</html>

Yeah. Really. Under the html tag comes the <head> tag and it is used for storing data about the website into it. You can link external documents, add keywords for Google search, hide some ASCII porn and add a file name in the <head> tag.

But just like a sexy female woman, the <body> is where the fun happens. Unlike a sexy female woman, you are performing what could be the exact opposite of sexy. You are writing code. Under the <body> tag is where the site content gets stored. After the <body> tag is implemented, you can begin creating titles, paragraphs and lists. Let's take a look at the most commonly used tags, excluding the example above, so you can use in your website.


Really, though. <table> is a fucking joke.

Now you have a good list of tags to use to follow this guide with. Excellent! Now its time to learn of proper tag placement. The usage of tags is symmetrical, which means they aren't closed in a linear fashion. Here is an example of correct tag placement and incorrect placement:

Last example courtesy of forum member Bakudai.

Ok, now take everything you learned today and make a functioning web page! Let's just find the file here... ah here we go! Let's take a look!

Uploading File:Cracked_reader_HTML_practice.html... one moment please.

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My HTML Page

by: Cracked Reader

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Oh, fuck you.