A toupee is a hairpiece typically worn by men to cover up baldness, look a part for a play or other acting role, or out of a desire to look tacky and be the butt of jokes in their workplace.

statistics say that toupees are likely unneeded

Just The Facts

  1. Toupees are an (often inadequate) attempt to suitably replace one's lost hair
  2. Is spelled with an accent over the first "e", like so: toup����¯�¿�½������©e, marking it as French and prone to surrender (also, I know the symbol doesn't show, but that's because we aren't cheese-eating surrender monkeys h
  3. Will be obsolete by the 24th century as noone will care about baldness anymore (not that they will be missed)

Cracked on Toupees

The toupee is an oddity in that it is a cover up for something less stigmatized that itself - baldness, yet they are sold and shown publically -even to babies (see 20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants)-, while baldness is not. Methods of coping with baldness more hughly recommended than toupees include the following:being Jean-Luc Picard, Rogaine, mercury, wearing a hat (preferably a fedora or beret), just dealing with it, having a large amount of money (everyone respects money), becoming a sex symbol through means not requiring hair (all Cracked editors are fully capable of this, and most can grow a full head of hair with but a thought), or becoming a mad scientist. You get bonus points for adding a moustache and/or beard to any of these options.


It is believed that the toupee was invented when a spare section of mammoth skin fell onto a bald caveman's head (of some note, this was also the first mullet, real or artificial) and got stuck by unknown means, though presumable due to the forces of suck. A few millenia later, those crazy (and apparently baldness hating) bastards, the Romans were voluntarily wearing them, and in the past 2000 year's typical method of producing "culture" and "tradition", specifiaclly adopting the worst/least interesting aspects of Roman culture, toupee wearing has continued. [citation needed]

Modern toupees are supposedly less noticable, but are still to be ashamed of since you clearly aren't man enough to just live with your baldness you toupee wearing pussy.