Anderson Silva

Anderson Silva is the current UFC Middleweight Champion. Many suspect Silva's either a Terminator sent to destroy humanity or the real life version of Neo except he really knows Kung Fu & unlike Keanu Reeves his face can make more than 2 expressions

What Silva Sees In the Octagon

I Feel Sorry For Those Bullets

Anderson Silva Was Originally Cast as Neo...But Silva Whooped the Entire Cast's Ass the First Day

Just The Facts

  1. The final boss in Street Fight IV was suppose to be Anderson Silva but the game makers said it was impossible to beat...
  2. Silva's been known to throw his opponents off by being photographed wearing pink polos and sweaters...
  3. Anderson Silva's Muay Thai clinch is recognized as a sedative by the American Medical Association...
  4. THQ is putting out an update for UFC Undisputed that turns on Godmode for Anderson Silva. They said it makes the game more realistic...
  5. Forrest Griffin" means "Cannon Fodder for Anderson Silva" in Portuguese...
  6. During Christmas in Brazil, naughty kids don't get two lumps of coal...they get two minutes in Anderson Silva's Muay Thai clinch...
  7. The yellow and black shorts Silva wears in the ring are made out of what's left of Wolverine's costume after the Canadian had an unfortunate run in with the Brazilian...

Silva's UFC Fights

Silva currently holds the record for most consecutive wins in the UFC at 10. Of those 10, six have been championship fights. Silva's opponents have used varying strategies but mostly they fit within the strategies mentioned below:
  1. Block Silva's punches with your face
  2. Block Silva's knees with your face
  3. Block Silva's punches AND knees with your face
As one can imagine, those strategies don't fare too well, particularly for the fighter's face.

Anderson Silva vs Chris Leben
One can only assume that Leben got caught fucking Dana White's wife and that's the reason he was picked as cannon fodder for Silva's UFC debut. In hindsight there was just no way Leben ever stood a chance. God would be hardpressed to design a better template for a quick and easy Silva knockout victim: A fighter who walks towards his opponent, swinging wild punches and leading with his head which happens to be the size of a fucking watermelon? It was like shooting fish in a barrel if the barrel had 2 inches of water and the fish was the size of a fucking shark. Leben should have just put a big bullseye on his forehead with an arrow that says "Connect knee here"

Anderson Silva vs Rich Franklin
Rich Franklin is the only one of Silva's victims that can generate anything close to sympathy. Franklin is just a really nice guy. If you enjoy watching Franklin's destruction at the hand of Silva then you also enjoy watching Bambi's mother getting shot, Mufasa getting stamped in the Lion King and home movies of baby seals being clubbed. The pleading look of innocence in a baby seal's eyes moments before they are slaughtered is the same look that Franklin had on this face after being pummeled by Silva's knees.

Anderson Silva vs Travis Lutter
Travis Lutter implemented a rather puzzling strategy in his fight with Silva. Lutter used the "Don't-Make-Weight-So-I'm-Fatter-And-Slower-Than-Silva" strategy. Its even more puzzling because that means he fought Silva and the title wasn't even on the line. The funniest part of the fight is that Lutter actually used getting a knee to the face to get a "take down". Lutter actually was able to mount Silva but not only did he lose the mount but he eventually falls into a Anderson Silva Triangle. To add insult to injury, Lutter couldn't black out from the choke because every time blackness started to take over his consciousness, an Anderson Silva elbow would snap him back.

Anderson Silva vs Nate Marquardt
Marquardt was probably the most "technically sound" jujitsu practitioner that Silva faced. The problem is, Silva is also a black belt in jujitsu. That and there's also the problem of avoiding getting punched in the face by Silva. That's always the catch. Silva hit a brilliant switch and Marquardt assumed the defensive "fetal position" which actually doesn't defend against much. Who knew?

Anderson Silva vs Rich Fanklin...Again
Silva's second fight with Rich Franklin can be summed up by one point in the fight: With 25 seconds left in the first round Franklin throws 5 punches and a kick which Silva ducks using some version of P Diddy's Harlem Shake.
When your opponent imitates a P Diddy dance move and then hits you so hard 2 seconds before the end of the round that you do a James Brown split...just give it up.

Anderson Silva vs Dan Henderson
Dan Henderson is credited as the only man to win a round against Anderson Silva in the UFC. What he really should be credited for is being the only man to cause any visible damage to Silva: Some blood trickled from Silva's nose. Apparently the sight of his own blood enraged Silva, much like showing your teeth to a Silverback Gorrila. The second round of the fight turned into four minutes and fifty seconds of Silva whooping Henderson's ass. Visibly upset, Silva took his disgust out on Henderson's face using his fists, knees and shins. The fight ended with Henderson making the most priceless "Oh shit, I'm about to be choked out" face.

Anderson Silva vs James Irvin
Most UFC champions would revel in the idea that no one in their weight class had a snowball's chance in hell at beating them and would simply cruise through their next 10 fights. Of course those champions weren't Anderson Silva. Bored with the Middleweight class, Anderson Silva decided to move up to the Light Heavyweight Division and take on James Irvin. James Irvin is known for his devastating one punch knockout capabilities and believed that he could defeat Silva because Silva hadn't faced anyone with his strength (because Dan Henderson apparently is a pussy). What no one told Irvin was, in order for this "one punch knockout power" to be effective, he'd have to actually be able to hit Silva (there's always a catch huh?). The fight lasted 61 seconds. Irvin nullified his own strength by instead of throwing that powerful punch, throwing a kick...which Silva caught with his left hand and punched Irvin in the chin with his right hand. Irvin went down into a fetal position (THAT SHIT DOESN'T WORK), Silva punched him a couple of more times and the fight was over.

Anderson Silva vs Patrick Cote
There's no clear reason as to why Patrick Cote was put in a ring against Silva. Sure, Cote had a 5 fight win streak but those 5 fighters barely added up to a ¼ of Silva's talent. I will give credit where credit is due though. Cote was the first fighter to set reasonable goals and expectations in a fight against Silva. Cote's goal was to do what had previously been impossible: Survive 2 whole rounds of blocking Anderson Silva's knees, elbows, punches and kicks with your face.This became obvious when at the beginning of the 3rd round Cote flashes three fingers as if we were suppose to give him credit for surviving the damage Silva inflicted on him while inflicting none of his own. What Cote failed to realize was that the only reason why he survived the first two rounds was because Silva was also simultaneously auditioning for "So You Think You Can Dance."

Anderson Silva vs Thales Leites
Instead of writing up this fight, I just submit the following photos which sum up the entire 5 rounds (Hey, he gets a cookie for lasting the longest):

Anderson Silva vs Forrest Griffin
Because the last 2 of his fights had the audacity to not end in submission or knockout, people began to grumble that maybe Silva wasn't as good as everyone thought. Mind you, in those previous 9 fights the worse damage done to Silva was the trickle of blood coming out of his nose after the first round of the Henderson fight. So the matchup was made to put Silva, the man who has barely been touched in 9 fights, against a man Forrest Griffin who, win or lose, comes out of fights looking like he's been testing a meat grinder on his face. Well, to make a short story even shorter, Griffin will be featured in the next UFC special "Most Embarrassing Knockouts In UFC History". After being helped up, Griffin ran from the ring to the back. Word is, Griffin is still running.
Anderson Silva vs Random White Chick
Heard she lasted 3 rounds. Longer than 9 of Silva's last 10 fights

Silva's Best WTF Knockouts

Counted as a "loss" for an illegal strike. Silva knocks Yushin Okami out with a kick...from his back

An elbow strike to Tony Friklund that if you saw it on the moves list for Street Fighter IV, you'd think it was impossible to use

Knocking out Forrest Griffin with one punch...while back peddling

The UFC "Anderson Silva Center For the Abused"

Since Silva's arrival in the UFC, UFC President Dana White has set up a clinic for all of Silva's victims...I mean opponents...so that the trauma of an Anderson Silva ass whooping doesn't deter their careers. We are happy to say that for the most part, the clinic has been a success. The hardest person to get through therapy has been Rich Franklin. See, Rich Franklin is actually good. Before Silva, Franklin himself was laying waste to the Middleweight division. Part of Franklin's recovery has been to move up a weight class to Light Heavyweight so that maybe he can reassert his domination there. Of course it remains to be seen if Franklin will relapse knowing that now Silva is bored with the Middleweight division and has his eyes set on destroying Light Heavyweight. In preparation for this, Dana White has made the unprecendented move of creating a new weight class at 195 lbs called the "ImGoodButICantBeatSilvaat185or205" Division.