Female Gamers

Scientists are almost certain there is a gene somewhere in a female's DNA that predisposes them to enjoy videogames. They don't know exactly what it is, but know that when discovered it will be called "Gene Awesome."

Does that turn you on?
Does that turn you on?
Okay how about this?
Okay how about this?
We don't ask why there are so many pictures like this. We just thank God that there are.
We don't ask why there are so many pictures like this. We just thank God that there are.

Just The Facts

  1. Female gamers are like the Susan B. Anthony of cyberspace. Only instead of winning suffrage, they're shooting noobs in the face.
  2. It is estimated they will receive more lewd vocal harassment than most prostitutes.
  3. Much to the dismay of most male gamers, the females unlikely look like Lara Croft.

Cracked on Female Gamers

Female gamers a modern enigma. Much like female football players, they have forayed into a typically male dominated past time. Unlike female football players, they didn't have to become lesbians to do it.

This is totally what most female football is like.

Nobody is exactly sure what attracts some females to enjoy videogames. Unlike their male counterparts. there isn't the social pressure to be athletic and the rejection at being picked last in basketball to drive them to the isolating world of gaming. But whenever a female's voice is heard on a game server, if you listen closely you can hear the collective "thwack" of erections smacking into the underside of computer desks, followed by heavy panting, nervous jokes, and the one guy who starts asking inappropriate questions about the Female Gamer's vagina.

A lot can be determined by what sort of game the female plays. For instance, if she plays the Wii, it's likely she was introduce to gaming by playing with her boyfriend and kind of enjoyed it, but thought it would be improved by Yoga. In comes Wii Fit and she thinks playing that and Rock Band totally count for gaming.

If she plays the XBOX 360, she realized games were fucking awesome, and decided that she could easily crush twelve year olds on Halo 3. When she started getting sexually harassed, she learned to return in stride and make note of the fact that she's the only female that the person has probably ever talked to.

If she plays a computer, you'd better watch the fuck out, because she's so much more hardcore than any guy you've ever known. Seriously, playing a girl on World of Warcraft is like racing a Kenyan. You can train your whole life, but you're going to get smoked. Not only that, but it is absolutely in-fucking-credible how much free shit a girl can get in these games by making her name 'hottieWOWgal' and saying flirtatious things like 'I love playing these games... In my panties." BItches be getting free gold and items all over the place, and they know it, too.

There is, however, no evidence any female knows what a Playstation 3 is.