Bill O'Reilly

Bill O'Reilly is one of the leading voice of the Republican party in the United States. He is the voice of morality and decency with a very fair and balanced...what do you mean sexual harassment lawsuit?

He's wondering when the black soldiers he's with will demand more

Just The Facts

  1. Host of the O'Reilly Factor on Fox News
  2. Condones homosexuality among penguins.
  3. Condones homosexual activity among his female co-workers.
  4. Adamently against homosexuality.

A Brief Billography

O'Reilly was born in New York City to parents William and Winifred O'Reilly. He attended Marist College as an honours student and majored in history. He spent his junior year of college abroad, attending Queen Mary College at the University of London. O'Reilly received his B.A. in History in 1971. Apparently these 2 institutions hand out history degrees like glow sticks at a rave because he clearly doesn't know what he's talking about�ever (See: Malmedy)

Bill O'Reilly also has Bachelors in Broadcast Journalism from Boston University. We here at Cracked tried to make a joke about that, but his career is enough of one.

Things O'Reilly will never have. Pictued: The Edward R. Murrow Award, Not Pictured: Dignity

O'Reilly always claims to "stand-up" for the average American and this is because, and we quote, "You don't come from any lower than I came from on an economic scale", citing his childhood home in Levittown, New York.

In an interview with The Washington Post, his mother stated that the O'Reilly family actually lived in Westbury, which is a few miles from Levittown. After much accusation about O'Reilly distorting his past to better his image, O'Reilly placed a copy of the house's mortgage on his website; which showed a Levittown postal address. This was significant because it marked the only time in his career that he has actually used evidence to back up his claims.

However, O'Reilly's victory was short lived as he was bested by his own big mouth as he went on to boast that his father "never earned more than $35,000 a year in his life." Adjusted for inflation $35,000 in 1978 would be worth well over $90,000 today.

Inside Edition Years

In 1989, after serving as a correspondent for ABC World News Tonight, O'Reilly joined the nationally syndicated Inside Edition on CBS.and shortly after became the program's anchor.

In addition to being one of the first American broadcasters to cover the dismantling of the Berlin Wall, O'Reilly also was the first television host from a national current affairs program on the scene of the 1992 L.A. Riots because of his well known insistence on doing things live.

In 1995, O'Reilly enrolled at Harvard University, where he received a Bastard's Degree in Public Administration. We meant Master's...Master's Degree!

Fox News and the Falafel Incident

Right out of Harvard O'Reilly was given his own show on the fledgling Fox News network. The whole idea was O'Reilly, a now established and "respected" "journalist" would have a "no-spin news" program where he would report the facts as they were told to him after being spun by the higher ups at Fox News. Fair and Balanced!

During his tenure at Fox News, O'Reilly has made remarkable strides in the fields of ignorance and intolerance. One of the earliest and probably most famous incidents was in 2002 during the run up to the war in Iraq. A young man by the name of Jeremy Glick appeared on the O'Reilly factor, defending his stance against the war. What was surprising to O'Reilly was that Jeremy's father had died in the attacks of 9/11. Unable to understand a rational thought, O'Reilly fueled by rage and puppy blood began to shout, saying things like his (Jeremy's) father would be ashamed.

Since then O'Reilly has gone on to shout down many famous guests who have appeared on his show, including the one and only Geraldo Rivera.

...Not even O'Reilly could fuck with that 'stache

In 2004, O'Reilly was sued by one of his producers for sexual harassment. Transcripts that were leaked online revealed fantasies O'Reilly had about; showering with his producer, his producer and another woman, soaping up his producer with a luffa and a fantasy involving a falafel. we're not making that up. There is AUDIO of him on the tape where he fantasizes about showering with the producer, her breast in one hand and a falafel in the other.

...delicious sexual harassment

Though there is way too much hypocrisy in his career to count, the most glaring is his stand against immigration. Repeatedly, Bill has spoken out against, not just illegal immigration, but also the "rapid pace" at which whites are becoming a minority because of immigration policy.

Stupid 80% minority!

The 80% Minority

He has accused mexican immigrants in particular of being drug dealers, theives, child molesters, rapists, and murderers. The same rhetoric and xenophobic speech that had been applied to Irish immigrant families during the early 1900's.

Hey...does anybody know the etymology of the name O'Reilly?