Boston Legal

Boston Legal can best be described as the Continuing Adventures of Alan Shore. Having made piles of money for Young, Frutt & Berlutti, Alan develops a bond (see Bromance) with Denny Crane, and hijinx ensue

The Lawyers of Crane, Poole, and Schmidt and why you would(not) want to hire them

Denny Crane

Why you would:

Denny Crane is a legend in Boston Law. His legal career is a long and distinguished one, coated with experience, dipped in prestige, and sprinkled with more naughty affairs than you can shake your penis at. Denny Crane has forgotten more about the practice of law than most will ever learn, though thats most likely due to Alzheimer’s Mad Cow disease.

Why you wouldn’t:

He can't focus, his first, second and probably third thought involves sex, often with you if you happen to wear a dress, or with your mother, sister, wife, cousin, daughter or grand daughter. And I won't even mention the part where he possibly has relations with a dwarf who could be his own  daughter. 


Alan Shore:

Why you would:

He is a brillianr litigator, frames the issue as he sees them, rather than how they actually are. he is able to connect with nearly any jury and distract his opponents with relative ease. Also, he's the lead, how can he lose?

why you wouldn't:

He's afraid of clowns, has alienated plenty of judges, is known for his courtroom antics, and is innefectual against former lovers and friends. He has also fucked and dumped his way through the majority of female litigators in the Boston area.


Jerry Espenson

why you would:

He is a truly brilliant litigator, and when he is on his A game, he is unstoppable. His knowlege of the law is unmatched, his expertise in finance and business literally borderline autistic . He has branched out to criminal and civil cases, the juries of which find him passionate and sympathetic, and when he adopts a more confident persona through the use of a wooden cigarette (no really, he "smokes" a wooden cigarette) he becomes a defense attorney's worst nightmare

Why you wouldn't

he hops, squeaks, pops, whistles and purrs-he has all the symptoms of a childrens breakfast cereal. When cornered or nervous, he tends to rely on the cigarette, which isnt always appropriate, seeing as his cigarette persona is kind of a dick.