The Baroness
The Baroness could not be better designed for nerds if her breasts dispensed Mountain Dew. And don't think someone hasn't drawn that.
Just The Facts
- A female villain from G.I. Joe. If you didn't know that, we hope you're enjoying reading pages at random - look up "goatse" next!
- COBRA's intelligence officer, meaning she was either hired for her looks, decided not to work, or has chosen to exist as a living contradiction.
- Suspected of minor mutant powers (her ass seems to magnetically attract cameras).
Cartoon Females
The Baroness follows a proud tradition of issuing each boy-targeted cartoon organization with precisely one (1) female to completely warp their sexual development. Many of these females were far ahead of their time.
Cheetarah: pre-empted furries by two decades.
Smurfette: a single female demanding attention from legions of obsessive males, pre-empting the entire internet.
Janine Melnitz: despite looking homely and actually being paid to hang around could still not give a shit about your nerd crap, pre-empting many fans' actual lives.
Sienna Miller
Sienna Miller's part as the Baroness is the most dangerous female role since "Gorillas in the Mist". If the film flops she'll spend the rest of her life at the epicenter of comic convention sweat-lust hordes. To hell with gorillas - that level of risk makes a Jackie Chan movie look like a pillow commercial.
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ReplyI thought this was going to have atleast sopme mention to the band Baroness
Replysaid it before, saying it again. olivia munn should have been cast to play baroness.
Replyno needed somebody that didnt smell like that kevin f****r
I'd vote for her over Palin any day. Not that that's saying much.
ReplyWould you vote for Palin if she dressed like that?
Janine was actually TURNED ON by nerd stuff. Peter shoulda gotten that easily, but it was brains Janine was after.
ReplyJanine Melnitz is homely? And we're talking about the cartoon here? The episode "Janine, You've Changed" was like my sexual awakening.
ReplyI would f**k the Baroness and I would f**k Sarah Palin and I would f**k the living dogshit out of Sarah Palin dressed as the Baroness. I could care less for her politics,(Sarah Palin) for if if I was having sex with her she would mostly be communing with the Lord ( OH GOD!!OOOOH GAAWWWWWDDDD!!!!) or she couldn't say much of s**t with my dick in her mouth! Politics be damned. She would be seeing Firework , not Russia from her front door. I hear she may be getting a divorce, so this is all in the realm of possibility............................................................Yeah, that's gonna happen, but a man can dream can't he.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesJesus f**k man get a grip. grip and yank. TMI you f****n hardon
TMI my ass, nobody made you read it. You must be new to Cracked.com.
You probably found it while checking the news on the internet right before you started out this morning to run your paper route.
I'm just yankin your chain spazoid, don't get a bunch of sand in your vagina about it , it's not like your little jerk off comment is f****n shakespeare. and I'm still rollin thats why im f****n around on cracked grape nutz
At least I have a job jerkoff. Beats sittin around with my old G.I. Joe figures stuffed in my pants and moanin about Dogface Palin like you like to do
I think if you colored her hair, the hot austrian girl from "indiana jones and the last crusade" would be a good baroness - she's got the accent..and the hotness...
Replyalso - to the poster for the eva angelina...I've got a film of hers where she's got glasses on ...and damn if you aren't dead on with that one....
Someone else I remembered that would be a better Baroness and is another of Stephen Sommers Mummy alumni (since he liked using Mummy alumni for this movie otherwise):
Replyhttp://img2.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/080410/the-mummy_l.jpg
http://ml.berkeleyblogs.com/archives/rachelweiszroad.jpg
naw, rachel weizz backed out of mummy 3, and besides i dont think that she would have agreed to wear fake tits anyway
In the old cartoon she was downright fugly
ReplyI know I'm probably the only guy thinking is, but I wouldn't know Sienna Miller if I stepped on her.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesyeaaaaaa, i was thinking of beer or something
me either
I thought she was that chick who ran for vice president once.
Want to make money without doing anything? Go to SPAM LINK. Watch 10 30 second ads a day and get payed.
ReplyThat doesn't seem like a very stable financial system to me.
what do you mean "IF" GI joe bombs?
ReplyThe Cobra Girl will have her own show and movie mark my words,
What can I say. Sarah Palin as baroness is hot. Hotter than Sienna Miller. She's wrong for the part. It's the facial type. Who's a better baroness? Someone that pretty much almost already played her:
Replyhttp://hrblogincyberspace.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/jet-girl1.jpg
I actually had to google "goatse" to know what that reference was. I saw something else--possibly here on Cracked--referring to it recently and it was driving me nuts. Thankfully Google found its Wikipedia entry first, so I was saved the image. Though after hitting the "Back" button, GooglePreview was helpful enough to put that on my screen lower down in the search results. Thank you, GooglePreview. It's not like I couldn't have gone my entire life without seeing that image...
ReplyLol that image sticks with ya for awhile. Prescription: Hours of your usual porn.
Hot, except for the accent... I dunno why, but if she doesn't talk, that just makes her hotter by a thousand fold. I guess this applies to all women.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesI believe that's a trait shared among all women...
yeah ignorant and hot. that's the way we like our females.
I would just like to say, I posted this under the assumption that girls weren't on the internet... So, guys, high five for chicks who don't talk much! Girls, stop pretending, I know you're really guys, and you think that the Baroness is hot.
Surprisingly, that's how I like my men.
When the G.I. Joe made a comeback I went out and bought the Baroness figure – not any of the others, just her (I’m one of those pushing-middle-age douchebags that thinks a three-inch plastic toy will let him relive the childhood he hated the first time around). So yeah, when faced with the choice of picking only one character, I gave Snake Eyes the finger and proudly marched up to the counter with the Baroness “for my son”.
ReplyLOL I did much the same with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
f**k ya, Janine Melnitz. Thats who I wanna call.
ReplyShe looks like the porn star Eva Agelina.
Replynow that i think about it, she does
I'm honestly surprised it tok us this long to breed the "TOPIC PAGE IS SH1t ROFLMAO; I COULD DO IT IN MY SLEEP JUGGALOS 4 LAIF" asshole. Oh well good time don't last forever
Reply