Quiznos

Whether you call it a hoagie or a po' boy, a grinder or a torpedo, a hero or just a plain old sub, Quizno's makes these kinds of food items.

Just The Facts

  1. Quiznos began in Denver, Colorado where I've seen cops tear gassing rioting hockey fans. Not at Quiznos itself, just in Denver. Imagine tear gassing an actual Quiznos? That would be nuts.
  2. Quiznos has over 4000 shops where they sell the things they make to "first time mistake makers" all the way up to "hardcore toilet users".
  3. Quiznos is the only chain in North America which charges you for paper napkins. They keep the napkins behind the front counter next to the iPods because they are a high ticket item.

Let's talk about Quiznos

Quiznos makes hot submarine sandwiches. I'm sure they make other things too but I can't be bothered enough to actually research their menu. I'd venture a guess and say it's quite likely they make some things with like...lettuce in them. Lettuce is pretty common. Spices? Maybe they use some spices as well.

Quiznos has really high stools so when you lean over to start vomiting out your meal everyone in the lower uncomfortable booths can get a good look at you.

Submarines vs. submarine sandwiches

a picture of a submarine

Real submarines are full of seamen almost 100% of the time
Quizno's submarine sandwiches, about 6%

On a real submarine one may experience feelings of claustrophobia
At Quizno's, you'll probably just get the shits