Current Generation Consoles - 360/PS3/Wii

Since the last decades, gaming consoles have ruled the world, resting in houses molding the behavior of kids. If any being (alien, time traveler, frozen caveman) came to Earth, it could infer our culture just by buying a console. Let’s see why.

Just The Facts

  1. Videogames used to be just for kids, now kids can only play if they have no family at all.
  2. Current consoles have reached the standards of "Back to the Future" scenes, just a few years ahead.
  3. Before, having a first place record on any game made you a total geek. Now, you are still a geek, but millions of minor geeks admire you (it could include a female geek, since the girl/geek ratio is one in a million).
  4. Videogames create fashion statements, something impossible in the past, unless you had poorly pixelized clothing.

What Can You Play

Life-Simulation Games

I can't really say there's no fun on imagining you're a flying spy (therefore have unlimited sex with foreign models) while in reality you're an accountant with a fur diseased cat waiting for you at home. No one would turn down the chance of exchanging lives for 1 hour a day, since usually you pass the whole day surrounded by sweaty fat people in your workplace who inhale at annoyingly high volume. Now, there's a little problem when this hour becomes 23 and a half hours and you start to think you have the ability to fly and fuck beautiful girls. This may cause cubicle humping during unconsciousness.

It's also sad when this is your second life

Role-Playing Games

The RPG has established as the paradigm for ridiculously geeky communities, and there's no doubt why. If you like to role-play it means you are disposed to sit in your ass with your most fashionable cape scouting, reading, talking to computer designed friends and obtaining millions of little freakin' objects for shithead amounts of time. That obsessive behavior only comes in nerdy comic-fan packages.

Legion of Geekytude: There was a time when geeks knew each other, grew beards and fought programming errors, now, in the dark age, they can only communicate through headphones

First-Person Shooter

For some weird ass reason being good at playing these games will get you a big check handed by beautiful girls. So, there's nothing wrong on doing it, in fact, FPS is the only acceptable gaming addiction. But don't kid yourselves; you will be disgusting, all pimply, not funny on regular social situations and slightly awkward on the rest. However, you'll have money to all the collectables that the RPG gamers can't afford. In some way, you will be king where the rest are actual warlocks (their magical level depending on the price of the velvet cape).

Oh, so you did this and left the paint drying all night?...Hum, nice (Loooser!)

On Which Console You Want To Play

I don't have too much knowledge about the differences between consoles. All seem pretty cool and do their job. I think there's no distinction if the control has an A, B and Start. But for some picky dickheads, the image, type of videogames and other stupid shit are as important as saving their grandma from a more...much more. But, still, there's a certain importance on knowing what console to choose, it will show to your friends what kind of gamer are you.

You love Mario and all his family. There's a chance that you know who Shigeru Miyamoto is, most likely no, but well, he's a freakin' genius. You would like to play real sports but you're too lazy to go out. Every time you play Halo the gun points at the floor or the roof. Also, you look more ridiculous playing than the other two console owners, it's pretty much like miming without the retarded face painting.

You only appreciate Mario; you don't know his entire family. You like to kill people, virtually, perhaps in reality. You're lazier than the Wii player. You mock the Wii player because he doesn't know how to shoot, even though no gamer should tease another gamer, it's just redundant.

Hum, almost like the Xbox 360 player, just that you have a PS3, so you play with a slightly better image. In other words, you can easily see the nipples of the Resident Evil girl, the Xbox 360 player has to squint.

At the end, any of these consoles will show you how to appreciate a nice afternoon with the blinds shut, your face full of Doritos' crumbs and an orange layer on the thumb and index finger. So, you get dirty, you win or lose, and you may want to throw up after hours of playing, exactly like a tennis player, the only difference is that you will be able to save your advance and brag about it to friends. There's nothing to be ashamed of. But never show off your Mario Kart skills to a girl, NEVER!!