This time honored American/British and possibly(unofficially) elsewhere tradition(I bet hazing rituals are fucking brutal in Somalia), has been leading the way in alcohol Fueled Darwin awards for 240 years..

ignore this, pending exuberant wealth.

optional genital mutilation: what sets us apart from the cults

the grizzeek alphabizzo (ebonic modifiers sold seperatly)

Just The Facts

  1. Joining a fraternity, in contradiction to most common misconceptions, doesn't immediately make you the world's tool. However, you will be every senior members bitch wrench (yes, bitch wrench.)
  2. Frat parties are one of the greatest, albeit house destroying'-ist' parts of college life. Indeed, an overabundance of lebido enflamed pseudo-adults commiting brain cell sepuku can create quite a mess. lowly pledge lemmings get those antibacterial gloves on.
  3. Sororities are like female versions of fraternities without the smell of mickey rourkes taint lingering in the air. Also, the ratio of date-rape to, well uh.....Non date-rape(?) is much lower.

Meet your 30 new best friends...(and that one kid that sold you acid from a visine bottle)

Come late august, when students yearnin' for some good ol' learnin' congregate to places of higher education, many of the freshman will come looking for social success among their peers. Some will sink comfortably into friendly alcoholism, loitering in front of their dorm room all semester long, idly chain smoking, and keeping up with experimentation(l.u.g. anyone?), shenanigans, and v.d. swapping at a consistant rate. Others will seek comradery through The traditional method of being crammed into a worn down deluxe bachelor pad with a bunch of dudes and an established hierarchy. Others still will go on to leave college with a degree.

Yes you will own this fucking poster!

For those that choose the path to fratdom, one's simple willingness to be part of a specific, chosen brotherhood will not be enough. Their long, strange, almost guaranteed, in some way, at a given point, to be homoerotic, bro-laden journey will begin with rush week. What that entails is essentially seven days of co-ed debauchery, drunkeness, barbecues, and for substance generally there's a slip-n-slide thrown into the mix. If one survives that with any less than three stomach pumps, most of the time they'll be asked to pledge. Should they accept, the rigorous acceptance process of degradaded humiliation, and ritual beatings (maybe) will be in effect

souf eest side

(is poor grammar in context to gang culture prejudice?(rhetorical, of course it's not))

Fraternities have a long standing reputation as moraless booze quagmires (aside from the token christian house... theyre pretty hush-hush about the pcp smoking). Should one pass the pride-stripping, vomit inducing, possibly, sperm sterilizing challenges, and then, at that point decide to continue the long trip towards forgetting whatever the hell that word 'lucid' means, they will be inducted into a life-long brotherhood, that despite every attempt to fall off the grid 10 years later solely to avoid another eye punchingly terrible chain joke e-mail sent by one of your frat bros, can never be forgotten. Fratters all must become very familiar with their particular frats customs. They associate and distinguish themselves with unique hand shakes, greek letters, drug overdoses, memorizing the book 1001 uses for Ketamine, and longstanding chants. Fraternities are alligned with a sister sorority in which incest IS encouraged (ZIIIIING!!!!!..... But seriously, that's this articles ONLY joke). They're chapters, for the most part expand beyond one school.

pictured from L to R: your godfather, your real father, and that guy that fathered your brother

So just remember kids.... if they start making the other pledges do rectal loosening excercises, the shit(pun) just got way too real, and you need to leave (pending a strong disaproval for any and all things inserted into your anal region)