Archaeology
In the most depressing public statement since Magic Johnson's 1991 press conference, Shia LaBeouf recently said Steven Spielberg "cracked" the story for Indiana Jones 5. The only people less excited than movie fans: real archaeologists.
Just The Facts
- Archaeology is the study of human remains, NOT dinosaurs you retards
- Archaeology only became worthy of mention with the discovery of carbon dating
- Indiana Jones is the reason anybody becomes an Archaeologist nowadays, even though he repeatedly shat on everything archaeology holds sacred
- Incredibley, Indiana Jones is the first hit on Google Images for both "archaeologist" and "college professor", which just goes to show - fuck you history
Seriously, Right In the Butt History
Children looking to see what a real archaeologist and a real college professor look like on Google find a much awesomer, far less realistic answer. And for once, it's not porn:
We like to imagine the first image is asking the second image, "Where's your whip pussy?"
Actually, College Professors are probably cool with Indy getting #1 over this guy.
Cracked on Archaeology
Cracked knows nothing about archaeology except what has been learnt from the following movies (NB Every single one of these films reduces the meaning of archaeology to simply "treasure hunt":
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
What this movie taught us: Steven Speilberg really hates GermanssorryImeanNazis. Also, that God exists but prefers to contain his power inside a small box in a desert somewhere rather than prevent the impending European holocaust.
What this movie taught us about archaeology: Stealing things from natives is cool if you keep growling "that belongs in a museum!"
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
What this movie taught us: There is no ethical difference between an American who does his job with a wry smile and a Nazi who does his job with a fanatical gleam in his eye. Oh, and that Sean Connery is actually quite funny.
What this movie taught us about archaeology: There's nothing wrong with destroying artifacts as long as you have managed to decipher the next clue, which is part of the world's highest stakes treasure hunt game.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
What this movie taught us: Wierdos from other countries eat monkey brains. Women are pathetic.
What this movie taught us about archaeology: Not sure - does this film contain any archaeology at all?
The Goonies
What this film taught us: Criminals are clumsy and foolish and can be thwarted by kids with just a bit of wit and can do anttitude.
What it taught us about archaeology: Spanish people use massive coins.
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
What this film taught us: Sometimes, films can be more ridiculous than video games.
What the film taught us about archaeology: You car needs a service at least every 3 years, but a temple built from stone with primitive tools over one thousand years ago can have a mechanism that runs smoother than a hot curry through a digestive system. Because of magic.
National Treasure
What the film taught us: Nicolas Cage is retarded.
Indiana Jones never pretended he was a legitimate Archeaologist. Remember in "The Last Crusade?" Sean connery was constantly nagging Indi about how he wasn't doing "real" archeaology. There wasn't a real pretense.
ReplyOn montel williams show one episode with silvia brown two ladies had a statue they claimed was sent to them by a friend who dug it up in mexico, They wanted to know if it was cursed. Brown claimed it was and needed to be destroyed, Montel said it was ugly and would get a hammer to smash it right there, I wondered if it really was an relic from mexico then it was obviouly stolen, also if it was thousands of yrs old it would be criminal to smash it, It would be priceless.
ReplyIndy's not really an archaeologist for me. He's an adventurer who moonlights as a professor.
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We didn't need National Treasure to realize Nicolas Cage is retarded.
ReplyGood article, except the "that belongs in a MUSEUM!" quote was indeed from The Last Crusade, not Raiders.
Replywasn't he ticked that the golden skull belonged in a museum, too?
This was great- I'm glad that there is agreeance that temple of doom was the worst.
Replyoh. wait. Aliens.
nevermind.
No, no, no. "Interdimensional Beings," remember? Because Lucas and Speilberg believes their fans are retarded! I mean, god AND aliens in one dimension would just be insane, almost as insane as an Indiana Jones movie starring Even Stevens and E. goddamn T.
"What the film taught us: Nicolas Cage is retarded."
ReplyI actually laughed out loud at that line! Good one!
Oh--and GREAT Topic Page, too!
Just the facts : Archaeology is the study of past human civilizations, not human remains. Thats anthropology RETARD
Reply Hide All See All 5 Repliesoh dear, another one. Read all the comments below, check your facts THEN act like a retard. Archaeology is the study of the material culture of humans - i.e. human remains. Anthropology is the study of human behaviour. Can everyone please STOP BEING WRONG.
psychology is the study of human behavior, anthropology is the study of human culture and their cultural processes, archaeology is the study of the material culture. so yea can YOU please stop being wrong
You're actually both right...to some degree.
To clarify what several people have already pointed out, Archaeology is a sub-field of Anthropology, an area of science which in general is dedicated to both the physical AND cultural aspects of human kind.
Archaeologists study past human civilizations through the analysis of MATERIAL remains. This means they focus on man-made objects such as clothes, tools, buildings, etc. The analysis of human remains is done by Forensic and Paleo-Anthropologists. (Think of the shows Bones and CSI.)
The study of human culture and behavior falls under yet another sub-field of Anthropology called Cultural Anthropology; however scientists in this field focus more on the origins and evolution of LIVING cultures.
So you’re both basically right when it comes to defining Archaeology, but fail to understand that it falls under a much broader field of science. Neither of you are “RETARDS,” but you should rely a little less on Wikipedia and hearsay, and try picking up a textbook once in a while to gain a better understanding of something before you start bashing heads.
You guys got served.
When did "remains" mean strictly "leftover body parts?" I think it stands to reason that "remains" can mean both the remains of human beings and the remains of past human cultures and civilizations. Trololol much?
The kind of father who's an archaeologist that specializes in Ancient Greece.
ReplyAnd you're not that far from the tree, right LINKA?
Hello to you too, Spidey. How are you on this fine day? I'm well, thank you for asking. I just didn't pay attention. And I am NOT giving russians a bad name, you bloody romanian. And biologists are lame.
ReplyBy the way, if you know that Aquata comes from The Little Mermaid, don't you think YOU are watching too much? Besides, it's not a bad nickname. Better than your REAL name, that's for sure. Who the hell names their kid Arachne?
tl:dr
Nice going Aquata. Way to put your foot in your mouth. That's why biologists are better. You're giving Russians a bad name.
ReplyBy the way, what's with 'Aquata'? Don't you think you're watching 'The Little Mermaid' too much?
actually palaeopathology is the study of human remains
ReplyWhat I find kinda funny was that a few years ago they had a documentary on the History Channel which was pretty much a dozen of the most notable archaeologists (ie. people we've never heard of), practically begging people to consider going into archaeology because "it's similar to indiana jones"
ReplyGreat article, DevlindeSade!
ReplyI just got my archaeology degree and saw this. Yes it's generally nothing like Indiana Jones, although even most every but the stuck-up Archaeology professors will admit they love the movies and try to make it as much like that as possible whenever they can.
ReplyI looked for "Archaeologist" and "college professor" He's not shitting us!
Replyhilarious piece!!!!!!
ReplyJust in case no one said it...
Reply*Receive
I before E, except after C. Come on, people...
Probably just a typo...
Haha, I totally lost it when I read the Nicolas Cage bit
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