Chik-fil-a

Chik-fil-A is an American fast food restaurant. It is known for its advertisements featuring cows holding signs that display the slogan “Eat Mor Chikin” which is humorous because cows are fucking terrible spellers.

Chik-fil-A logo. It says Chik-fil-A.

Nuggets: Double the cute equals double the taste.

Just The Facts

  1. Chik-fil-A is one of the few businesses left in the known universe to willfully close on Sunday due to owner S. Truett Cathy's baptist upbringing. Chik-fil-A is also the only known business to force every 500th customer to handle rattlesnakes in the name of God.
  2. Chik-fil-A is heavily referenced in Chad Kultgen's novel "The Lie" (Harper Perennial, March 3 2009), a book where Brett, a main character, offers a hundred dollars to two college girls if they shove a cucumber up their butts. Yeah, it's awesome.
  3. Chik-fil-A is located in 37 of the 50 states, proving the age-tested hypothesis that fucking nothing happens in Montana.

History

Chik-fil-A, in its early days (they call ‘em the Egg Days at the office), began as the Dwarf Grill, known later as the Dwarf House, located in Mordor, near the Fanghorn Forest, just outside of the Shire. Founder S. Truett Cathy (who is in the running for the most feminine man’s name alongside Waldenbooks C.E.O.  Vulva S. Snatchtit) decided that he wanted to open a fast food restaurant that served nothing but chicken, which was an improvement over his initial concept, The Turnip Hut.

 

The first Chik-fil-A opened at the Greenbrier Mall in Atlanta, Georgia, beginning the long tradition of Chik-fil-A’s making themselves at home in malls rather than independently operated locations, which might be a contributing factor as to why you owe Macy's thousands of dollars on your credit card and why you have a fat ass. The restaurant and its founder are credited with creating the chicken sandwich. This ranks at number 752 on the Heritage Foundation’s list of Amazing Contributions to Mankind, just beating out number 753 (the Ayds Diet Pill, circa 1983) and hitting the list just under number 751 (that old sweat sock you used to jack-off in).

 

Chik-fil-A is known primarily for its use of humorous cows in its slogans and ads. In one television advertisement in particular, the cows were featured storming and parachuting into a football arena during a game and beating the fuck out of a hamburger vendor, which is funny because if it’s one thing we need more of in this country it's random acts of senseless violence perpetrated by the bovine population. This advertisement was the basis for Glenn Beck’s popular book “The Hindu Conspiracy: Why Cows are the New Jews” released in 2006. Chik-fil-A has, in the interest of political correctness, ignored Beck because he’s a twat.     

 

Controversy

In 2002, Chik-fil-A was sued by long time Houstin-based employee Aziz Latif after the company fired him for refusing to take part in an employee prayer. Latif (not to be confused with Queen Latifa), a Muslim, felt his firing was due to the fact of his religion. The case was settled for an undosclosed amount. During an interview with Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes, Allah had no comment on the matter.