Kate Beckinsale in a tight leather onesie has surprisingly little to do with this article, infact other than just now she wont be mentioned agin. This is a short guide to the Underworld beond the movies.
Ah the Underworld, Brimstone filled bastard cousin apartment of heaven. Hell it has been suggested is other people and as much as anyone who's spent any amount of time in an office can assure you that this is true never the less it would be more true to claim that hell is undoubtedly were You are.
The Underworld , Hell (European religions) , Naraka (Buddhist) , Tartaros ( ancient Greek) , and many more. Almost every major religion and culture thru out the history of the planet has an equivalent to place.
They do how ever differ in some basic ides, First of all it might surprise you to find that not all religions have the Underworld marked down as a "Bad" place,, Many have simply the belief that this is were everybody goes after death no mater how your lived your life be it freebasing gun throwing backhanding sneaky little bastard or little old lady who live a happy and fulfilling life cleaning out stains in other peoples bed sheets.
But as I've found reading articles based on the idea that nothing special happens leaves the reader with a lingering feeling of hate towards the writher and an undying will to kick kittens I'm gona aim this article more to the Head banging metal LP cover inspirational type of underground that is not to be mistaken for the one in London ( all thou there might be a point to be made as for the similar smells of sulphur).
HELL!! The filthiest of shag pads, the unholy domain of demons and evil souls alike. Is ruled by the old archangel Lucifer who after falling from grace hade to make ends meat the best he could and its only fair to point out in times of reses as a single overlord with thousands of hungry familiars to feed you some times just have to try your best with what you get. And what he got was something similar to a one room apartment in uptown New York and ALL his roommates are known whiners.
Smell the scent of burning flesh, Feel the acids doing your sinuses a world of harm, The floor covered in sharp little pieces of grit just the right size to get loge inside your shoes and just over the screams of agony erupting from the thousands of unresting souls you hear a blurry tune you recognise and start humming but don't be fooled.. You'll never figure out witch song it is... ever. An eternity spent wondering about the lyrics and no were is there a place to sit down and grab a cold one.
Dante in his masterpiece of satire The divine comedy gave the underworld as a spiralling system of nine rings each one getting worse then the previous the further down you get ranging everywhere from spending the eternity with a job you hate and being prone to stubbing your toes at night as you get up for a glass of water to the more extreme kinds o unpleasantness of an infinity number of days and nights spent with those of your co-workers you hate the most.
Thru out history there has been many debates as to the exact location of the Underworld. Yes smart ass naturally its clear to all that UNDER ground is basically were we should start to look but if you wish to be able to pinpoint it any closer than that the facts start to get sketchy.
Some believe it's too be found in the dead centre of the earth and others clamed it to be on a completely different plane all together and can't be found by any living body. Ether way this uncertainty has given birth to any number of fun and stupid traditions. In the medieval times in Europe it was common practise Not to eat any root vegetables as they clearly were growing downwards and there for were probably being drawn by there natural Rooty wickedness back too Hell, And this unfortunately meant that during the winter season the daily diet of your average man/woman consisted of up to 95% meat and many times this meat was salted as to last longerâ�¦ This might sound like a great idÃ©e if you happen to be one of the followers to the Atkins way of life but for any one ells you might wish to ponder over the binding powers of protein and that wonderful constipation sensation it will undoubtedly bring.
Another fun fear the Underworld brought us was common practise in most of Scandinavia, Were when the people needed too pas water outdoors the use to yell Look out below! This was to make sure you dint piss of any receiving imps or other demonic midgets.
All and all people around the word have agreed that the Underworld is a place you best try to avoid (some exceptions being Metal fans around the world and kids who wish to rebel against there parents) .
But all thou we'd all prefer spending eternity on a deckchair drinking Mojitos served to us by trained coalabears in little red bell suits with matching hats and shoes, It seem we all have a little speck of undying desire to be aloud to live in a world where just once ..just once you can say ah fudge it!