Blade

Blade is a half-man half-vampire all bad-ass dude who devotes his life to killing vampires. It was made back in the days where vampires were actually cool rather then the present day sparkly pussies.&&

Come on, we all want to see how this fight turns out.

Blade

The movie starts of with a man being led into a nightclub by a seductive woman, all is well until the sprinklers come on to put out a non-existent fire and the man starts to get a little bit suspicious when he touches his forehead and sees blood (Because apparently he can only see the blood when it hits him and not the hundreds of people in the club with him.) Things start to take a bad turn for this random stranger when he starts to notice everyone in the club is now eyeing him up and licking there lips and revealing there sharp teeth, the man comes to the conclusion that all these people have either visited a dental surgeon with a odd sense of humour or are vampires. As the man starts cowering away from everyone Blade then turns up sporting this summers vampire hunting range of clothes, after one super awesome kick-ass action scene later we question how the hell Blade is walking around with a sword on his back, multiple guns, glaives and stakes.

You try taking his weapons away from him. Go ahead, I dare you.

Blade gets a little bored after going though the entire nightclub easily he wanders of leaving one vampire alive who is horribly burned and taken to hospital, whilst he is there he manages to bite a resident Dr Karen Jensen and then flees again. Blade knowing that this is all somehow his fault takes Karen back to his lair (tempted to insert vampire joke here like, "He took her to his bat cave") where Whistler is introduced, some dialogue is exchanged here about controlling your thirst but Blade gets tetchy and leaves to kill more vampires. Meanwhile a vampire by the name of Frost is pissing of some old vampires by cockily strolling in and saying he is so elite he can summon some vampire god dude, they shun him and laugh him out the room because he wasn't born a vampire and was bitten instead (Not that it makes a difference but apparently it is very important to vampires.) Frost carries on with his evil plans by storming Blades bat cave (sorry we mean lair.) and kidnapping Karen and wounding Whistler whilst Blade is out killing and being manly. Blade is somewhat a little annoyed and storms Frost's home, another super awesome kick ass fight ensues and Blade is captured when he sees his mother whom he believed was dead. Blade is then taken to the Temple of Eternal Night to take part in Frost's blood ritual. Frost lines up all the elders in the Temple of Vampire puns and sacrifices them to get the powers of the evil vampire god dude.

"Come on, give me a high five."

Karen desperate for more screen time escapes and goes to help Blade by letting him feed from her, another super awesome kick ass fight scene occurs and only Blade and Frost is left, they battle it out and it ends in a strange explosion of CGI.

Blade II

The movie starts of with the character Jared Nomak going into a blood bank hoping to donate, after everyone in the bank ignores Jared's unhealthy complexion he is taken into a room were he is strapped into a chair. Everyone then reveals themselves to be vampires (explains why they weren't making jokes about other people's complexions) they plan to drain Jared of his blood but he starts giggling and turns super saiyan, he quickly dispatches all the vampires and feeds of them.

"Come on sweetheart give me a kiss"

It then cuts to Blade killing more vampires, but instead of doing this for fun he is doing it to find Whistler. Which he does. He then takes Whistler back to the new and improved bat cave (the lair looks identical and has had no new defence put in.) and introduces him to Scud. Scud is about to develop his character when once again the lair is invaded by vampires (We don't like to say it but what the hell. We told you so.) This time the invading vampires offers a truce to which Blade accepts sporting his manly catchphrase "Keep your friends close, keep you enemies closer."

We wouldn't mind getting close to her.

Now being new BFF's Nyssa takes Blade to the fortress and home of her father Eli Damaskinos. He explains that Jared has started to turn other vampires into stronger vampires called Reapers, because he is finding regular vampires to easy target practise he accepts to help kill these Reapers. Now teamed up with the bloodpack they decide to go to a nightclub but there night out raving is interrupted when the Reapers attack, Blade goes after Jared but cannot start a super awesome kick ass fight scene with him as it is only just getting into the film. Back at base they deduce that ultraviolet is the Reapers only weakness so they take a crapload of UV grenades down into the sewers to blow the Reapers a new A double S hole. A semi alright kick ass fight scene takes place and all the Reapers are killed except Jared, now that Blade has done his part the bloodpack then betrays him. Blade and the rest of the mystery crew are held as prisoners at Eli's fortress, there Scud reveals himself to be an enemy of Blades and Eli explains that he had created Jared in an botched attempt to make a superior race of vampires.

Look at him. How is it a surprise that he is Jared's father?

Jared starts storming the place and chasing his father (but not before stopping of at every heap of dead bodies to feed on them.) This gives Blade chance to start the super awesome kick ass fight scene which eventually leads him to Jared. A hyper awesome kick ass battle takes place and Blade walks out with another film done and dusted (No pun intended.)

Blade: Trinity

This is quite a surprising movie as Blade is the second most awesome thing in it. The number one awesome person in this movie goes to a slamming hot Jessica Biel with a hyper awesome bow and arrow.

This picture has an awesome factor of 12 out of 10

The movie starts with Blade falling into the vampires trap and killing a human, the FBI then storm Blade's bat cave (surprise surprise.) and drag him into a police station for interrogation. A few of the interrogators turn out to be vampires and Blade is rescued by Hannibal King and Abigail Whistler (Whistler's daughter. Cue flashback and dramatic music.) They take Blade back to a base that is actually protected and tell him that the vampires plan to resurrect Drake (Dracula) because if they resurrect him he can save the vampire race by producing more daywalkers (which sounds to us like a day time hooker.) Blade soon runs into Drake and prepares for a super awesome kick ass fight but Drake pulls a dick move and reveals a baby to which he had taken hostage, as Blade saves the little shitling Drake disappears. Back at the base Blade learns of a bioweapon called daystar. The weapon is capable of killing any and all vampires in a nearby area. However, there are two catches: The first is that Drake's blood must be infused with the virus. The second: the virus has a possibility of killing Blade, as he is a half-vampire. As Blade and Abigail are out being manly and awesome Drake invades the base and kills all the Nightstalkers apart from Hannibal who is taken back to Drake's lair. Hannibal is tortured for information on Daystar but refuses to give in whilst Abi and Blade invade Drake's home and starts the multiple hyper awesome kick ass fight scene. During the fight Blade impales Drake with the Daystar virus and kills all the vampires in the building. He then walks of with another film under his belt.