Yoga
Yoga is an ancient Indian practice thought to bestow super powers on the practitioner including the ability to stay young, levitate and inspire white people to give you money.
Just The Facts
- Yoga teaches one to unify the mind and body, while separating the self from attachments such as dignity.
- Careless practice of yoga can cause painful but diffuse injuries that can only be treated by additional yoga.
- Side effects include hums, mantras and mild chanting.
Results
Regardless of ones intentions going in to yoga, after some time practicing certain realizations will dawn.
An understanding of your own body far beyond what's available to anyone but a mortuary technician taking liberties after the autopsy.
Assuming you gave them up sometime after kindergarten, head stands are tremendous fun. Trouble is that seven-year-olds are short and fearless, and it can take years to build up the strength and confidence to try it as an adult. Alternatively, try getting drunk and showing off1!
1Cracked.com not responsible for drunken Yoga related injuries.
I'm just hoping this crap'll help m'gamer/general laziness/out of shape back issues. Damn body. 27 an I feel like a 40 year old. But hey, new year right?
ReplyI would have reversed the two shades of yellow on the pie chart. LOVED the "au-pair" reference.
ReplyThere's only one shade of yellow there, and it would be hue, not shade.
The movie Shortbus showed a guy performing self-fellatio. I think he was doing yoga. Further flexibility required if you want to deep throat ... Namaste
ReplyWhy not take a shortcut and simply have a pair of useless ribs cut off?
Someone doesn't spend enough time on cracked Cpt_Blade because you would have to have vertebrate out, not ribs, and that would make you paralyzed so blowing yourself would be rather pointless.
you forgot the percentage of guys who are dragged to yoga by their girlfriends but then realize it's not so bad because you've generally got a good view
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI go with my wife. I wish I knew about this when I was single.
yessir that is true. also the wishing you knew about it when you were single thing.
All 3 of you are right.
Most overeating is an attempt to relieve stress / worry. Yoga relieves the stress so you will eat less.
ReplySouth Beach Brite
I want to get laid.
ReplyMy visa card is 4867961116594349
Expiry June 2012
CVV *@!
Lol, I had red pegged as number 1.
ReplySomething missing bro.
ReplyYou forgot dealing with asthma, or maybe you didn't forget and thought it would be funnier to exclude it, well poo on you.
ReplyNothing about Dhalsim? Not even a picture? Not even a dismissive insult? YOU. FUCKED. UP.
ReplyNothing about Dhalsim? Not even a picture? Not even a dismissive insult? There's no other way to say this...
ReplyYOU. FUCKED. UP.
seconded.
Yeah I wanna learn how to blow fire and grow my arms long enough to punch people in other Zip Codes.
dumb where the hell is DOB?
ReplyI tried yoga, but always ended up hurting my balls... Maybe I should try it in sweats, instead of jeans.
ReplyAs another male I can say there are certain stretches you should do naked in private.
It occurs to me that's probably the reason huge parachute pants became popular with break dancers in the '80s. Doing the splits is less hazardous to one's balls if one's pants are extra stretchy; and the pant's crotch only goes up to your knees. So, that wasn't as much incomprehensible fashion as practical work-wear. Then again if you're wearing puffy parachute pants and you never do any kind of splits or anything then you have no excuse.
You had me at the 'go down on yourself'. As of tomorrow, I'm f*****g yoga-ing all over the place. Thanks Cracked.
Replyi need to start up yoga again -if only so i'll one day be able to beat up super-gran
Replycrist the grandma looks like a chemically burned kathy griffen
ReplyDo you want have a romantic summer, just on **B l a c k W h i t e L o v i n g.c O m***__ where you can meet the hot singles,sexy beauties and even hot celebs .hope u can find the perfect one!
Reply"mearest"....cmon Cracked
Replymehfag.
ReplyI don't know about enlightenment and achieving oneness with my spirit being, but yoga helped fix my fucked-up back.
Reply