Pick Up Lines
An art form. Kind of like poetry that get's you laid, occasionally. The key to most is as much dutch courage as 3 hours of drinking provides.
Just The Facts
- If you are, in fact, a boring cunt with no chat whatsoever bring one of these delights out the bag and your sure to set the conversation alight! or get cracked in the face..
- Used to persuade the bitches n ho's into having consentual,no strings attached,dirty,sweaty,drunken sex in the alley behind the bar.
- Rumour has it they never fail
- If your cheeky grin and playful eyes havent caught her attention then an obnoxious, blunt, sexual innuendo should do the trick
- The badder the better is often the case
Quick Overview:
How do you think adam got eve? Pick up lines have been around for as long as humans have been doing the nasty. Often used to break the ice but they tend to end up with the object of your desire laughing AT you not WITH you, still better than payi.. who am i kidding. And if all else fails chloroform the shit out of her and in the trunk she goes, who's laughing now bitch
The Classics:
Also known as the boring ones, a safer bet but is it really a good idea to be taken seriously when the chance of rejection looms so close?
"excuse me is this seat taken" - Innocent, charming and polite. A sure fire entry to conversation, unless she says yes and her 16 stone kickboxing fiancee turns up in which case sit the fuck anywhere but there.
"would you like to dance" - a tad old school but who doesnt like saggy tits and a wrinkly vagina?! one for those of you who fancy taking the older women phenomenon that step too far
Even offering to buy a girl a drink counts this can of course lead to you being very light in the wallet and her, wankered, in the arms of that much better looking, sexy italian stallion. At least you can have a wank to the notion of taking her home right? Plus on the odd occasion you can ply the bitch so full of booze by the time you get her home she'd let you shit on her chest maybe even a cheeky ice dragon
These are for the more restrained and you never know these ones could even work, especially if your an extremely good looking, wealthy and succesul young man with a FUCKING HUGE COCK. I've found this seems to add that certain je ne sais quoi to the words.
The Best:
In my honest, trusted and respected opinion the "best" counts as what gets the biggest laugh, you'll be laughing all the way to the bedroom/alley/car/skip/toilet/bus stop if you pull it off
Did you fart? Coz you blew me away - sophisticated, classy yet simple
Do you have any raisins? NO. Well how about a date? - A pun! Outstanding work showing your intelligence, coz the geeks get all the girls right enough
If you were the new McDonalds burger you'd be a McGorgeous - Show her your fine tastes and eloquence with this culinary delight sure to entrap even the coyest of women
I wanna bag you like my shopping - seriously she'll be in a sack in my boot.
Oooh, you're lookin' fine. Not in the good way, in the "you'll do" way. - subtly let her know she's doing well for herself getting you, any holes a goal and she doesnt have to be an out and out troll, just a lazy eye or easty westy tits.
So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you? - the best bit is she might even think your joking and give you her number, sure would have saved me a lot of time and effort
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle - swift and to the point YOU WILL PAY FOR SEX, dont pull your wallet out till she reacts though
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get! - Women like honesty so ive been told
The Borderline Sex Pest
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you - A dead cert.
Excuse me is that semen in your hair? - She'll thank you for letting her know putting her in your debt, she doesnt need to know its yours
I'd like to kiss you on the lips then move up to the belly button - Unless you've got a fishy clunge but to be honest i do like a bit of salmon every now and then
What time do your legs open? - Like she has a choice in the matter
Can i buy you a drink or do you just want the money? - Prostitutes get thirsty too y'know
It's not going to suck itself - Brave is the key word here but IF and only if you pull it off you are one smooth motherfucker
Hi. Im an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus - Who doesnt love it up the stink?!
