Have you recently walked past a mirror and thought something along the lines of.. "DAAAMN!!! I am a sexy motherfucker!!!" If you are doing this roughly 40+ times a day then congratulations, you are a narcissist.

They see me rollin', bitches just be jealous.

Just The Facts

  1. In psychology and psychiatry, excessive narcissism is recognized as a severe personality disorder.
  2. The name was chosen by Sigmund Freud, from the Greek myth of Narcissus, who was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water.
  3. Although most individuals have some narcissistic traits, narcissism can also manifest in an extreme pathological form as Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD, wherein the patient overestimates his or her abilities and has an excessive need for admiration and affirmation.

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard." -Buffalo Bill

Narcissism can be a difficult dissorder to spot, for your own benefit please see the helpful flowchart below to confirm whether or not you are a self-loving douche.

If your ears begin to bleed or you lose bowel control, dont worry, these are normal side effects of realizing that you are a self-loving douche

After consulting the above diagram you should now be aware of your own compulsive self-obsession, and if you dont think its unhealthy to want to make love to yourself then check out this list of histories most famous mirror-rapists.

Adolf Hitler

Josef Stalin


Marquis de Sade

Peter Sellers

Pablo Picasso

And here's a few suspected narcissists. As this list is probably gonna lead to a court case I can also confirm that the following people are also homosexual.

Warren Beatty

Alec Baldwin

Sharon Stone

Elvis Presley

William Shatner (Who knew!!)

O.J Simpson

Joan Crawford

"It Rubs the lotion on itself." -Also Buffalo Bill

Now that most of Hollywood has been accused of being fuitcakes (like we didn't know already) maybe its best to get down to the science of Narcissism. Well, not really science, if I could describe this condition academically then I wouldn't be writing on this site.

A simple analogy should suffice.

There are tonnes of reasons why men masturbate. Some to relieve stress, others to fantasize about women that they are far too ugly to obtain, and a few just so they can deposit there load on their flatemates shelf in the fridge. But a narcissist masturbates for an entirely different reason. They like nothing more than to admire their own swollen gherkin. They get sexual gratification from their own physical appendages.

So next time your fapping away have a think about whats really motivating you.

fap fap fap fap fap.