Hoez

A growing list and info of the women of the night

Just The Facts

  1. Prositution is the worlds oldest profession
  2. The second oldest is divorce attorney
  3. The record for biggest stable is 4000. A record set by the Reverend slickback Willy. Who actully not a licence reverend.

Guide to Hoes

A growing catalogue and info of the women of the night

Each hoe is unique, like a snowflake, but they do come into multiple categories. These categories could be found across the world and for your benefit the people are Cracked has personally research each category in great detail and listed them for you.

1) Hooker with a Heart of Gold- This can be found in most in most Hollywood movies. These where a woman hasn't let the harsh profession, of pimps, rapist and Charlie Sheen harden their hearts. Despite their sometime hard and cynical exterior, beneath it lays a bleeding heart of an optimist. They always willing to lend a helping hand to a suicidal drunk, a harden detective, or rambunctious but shy teen that is coming of age. There ways to pick out the hooker with a heart of gold

For one, they will have a friend in their profession that says things like this to them "honey, youz to good for this type of work. Me ,Coco, and Roxane, aint never going to get out this hood, but you girlfriend, youz gots future.

They also tend to be the prettiest of all the hoes. Proving that yes..you can judge a book by its cover.

Examples- Pretty woman, Leaving Las Vegas, the Hangover, Milk Money

2) Crack Hoe- A Crack hoe is a horrible terrible creature. It is the Golem of the sex trade profession. Crack hoes earn the name due to their crack addiction lowering down their prices. A crack hoe you can get oral from 10 dollars, full sex for 40, and for a 100 you can hunt them for sport. They come in all race and colors and normal picked by the non picky customer. They stay in business not due to quality but low prices and availability. They are very much like Wal-Mart in this regard. Despite their low prices customer should be warn of hefty price. Some of them tend to not to be clean. In fact there was one such woman who be said to be filled with so much microbes, bacteria, that the Krypton city of Kandor lived with in her pubic hairs. If one must hire a crack whore there easy to find. Go to the bad part of town at night, and look at the streets. They normally hang around bars, strip clubs, and liquor stores. They normal have a white glaze over their skin, tacky clothes, skimpy outfits, and seem to be just standing around being there hoey selves.

3) Street Hoes - Crack hoes normally referred to as street hoes. This is a mistake. Not all Street hoes are on crack. Some are runways, the abuse, or women who made the horrible mistake of picking liberal arts as a major in college. Some of the same signs of a crack hoe fit streets hoes. Accept a street hoe is a tad cleaner and prettier. It is because of this they are a bit pricier. There pimps seem to be tougher as well. This is due to pimps not being able to rely on drugs to keep them in line and much generally use more of their pimp skills.

Examples- American Pimp, HBO's Hookers at the point

Strip clubs Hoes- It is no surprise that a lot of strip clubs of girl willing to due extra prostitution. These girls normally bit prettier then street and crack hoes. There also some overlap with Heart of Gold hookers. They normally give out signs by an aggressive lap dance, or breaking the rules of no touching. There ways to find if a stripper is a hoe on the side. One way people like figure this out is a man drops his money in the lap dance room. When she picks it up, he slaps her with his penis. If she says "What the fuck." Then you know she not a hooker and you say "Pardon the rudeness, I misread the room." If she says "Well all right". Then it time to party. Another option is to simply ask.

Examples- The Wrestler, Show girls

Brothel/Massage Parlors- It should be noted not ALL place that give massage offer sex. I learn that fact when I got kicked off the Carnival Cruise health spa. Sex at massage parlors normal involves another girl's hand. But it can be more depending on the place. Oriental parlors or parlors with the words "Sensual" massage tend to have happy endings. This is not a guarantee though. Brothels are houses where hookers stay, and men can go to have them. There many around the country that are illegal. These are mystical places that people just have to know of. One says if you find it, you all your dreams come true. You can ask around, and keep your ear to the ground and you may find one. These tend to be prices, but better girls. They also have tendency to break out into song. There are legal brothels like the ones in Vegas. Amsterdam also has one for good prices, but you run the risk of being in HOSTEL 3. Nobody wants that.

Examples- Best little whore house in Texas, HBO's Cathouse

Creglist/escorts/web Hoes- Cracked.com (unlike madmagazine.com) doesn't advocate killing hookers. But if you are going to kill a hooker, creglist pretty much your best bet. The internet is a great place to find women of the night. It is because of there wide range of categories. It used to be you had to travel to Mexico to find a woman that would put on a Donkey show. Now you can just search the web for women in your area. You also don't have to wander the streets. They can also be found in newspapers and magazines. It is best to get the prices ahead of time. It also good to ask about the woman some more before hand or you might end up in a tub full of ice, missing a liver.

Examples- Diary of a Call girl, the Governor of New York

High Price Hookers- These are women that charge well into the 1000, 10,000, of dollars. These are considering top of the line hookers and normally women that girlfriend experience. They said to be the most attractive of all hoes and the best at their job. Although some might say buying one is such to say you can afford to buy one. It is like buying an expensive Painting the Polack barf out in one of his drunken rages. Sure it's overprice but you can brag about it. They are known for there secrecy. You know this because of several tell all books talking about the secrecy. You find them the same way you find other escorts accept you have to search a little longer. There even some women that charge a million. No one knows what they do to be worthy of a million, but some say their vagina juice a key to breaking the code of Alchemy.